There I go again,been thinking a lot about this,and somehow it just doesn't make sense. There are just somethings I can't explain,and there are just some things I can't say.I really wish I could say it out,just let things out in the open and just get things over and done with. Yet,my mind tells me not to and my heart trying hard to find every single possible solution out of this. To think that I could just take a step back and be an observer or maybe just forget everything about her,but each and every single day,my heart tries to reach out for her,calling out her name,just hoping that one day she will notice me.
Looking back,there were many things I hide from people. Sometimes I just wonder whether those who said they know me,really know me.Coz right now,I don't think I even know myself. If these people say they really know me,why don't they understand me. Knowing someone and understanding someone is 2 different thing. Right now I don't understand why I fell so hard and have these feelings. Surely,I had enough of relationship,the last one turned to be fucked up and due to that,I somehow lost all my confidence and even my self-esteem. Yea sure,I've move on,trying hard to forget every single thing possible. But no matter how hard it is,it just comes back.
Its seriously like a game. No matter how hard I fall,get hurt,beat it up on myself,I still repeat the things I did before. Yea sure these stuff may be the stepping stone to what will happen in the future,but what's the point? I'm just climbing up a stairs that doesn't end. And every single time I see the light or any type of ending,I fall. And as I fall,all the tears,the blood,the guts from my body just came out. Yet when I reached the floor,I start climbing up,going after something that I can't reach. Even if its ten years or decades,the person thats in my heart is not the person that I will get.
So I ask myself,why bother? Why care about all this? Why even try when I know it will eventually end? Is it because in my heart I want the challenge? Or maybe because in my heart,somewhere inside,hoping that the next person will be the one? My life is full of "maybe"s...
Eddy Outs...