My Memories,My World Of Thoughts

Could be seen but could not be seen..

2009-07-13T12:27:00.002+08:00

There are so many things in life that people could see. Yet there are things that could not be literally seen. Such as friendship and love for starters. Love,so many ways to explain such a simple word. Yet each explaination is way too complex for us to understand. Everywhere you go, you'll see people holding hands,laughing,just enjoying their companion. But could that be define as love? Is that what love really means? Honestly,I don't really know. But here's my perception of love.

Its a feeling whereby you get addicted to. A feelign whereby can crush you down so easily as it can bring you up. Its a feeling where the passion is so strong,that whenever someone tries to ruin it,you will fight for it even if it causes your life. Its a feeling when you meet that particular person and just by 1 glance you know that person is meant for you. And being in love with that person means everything to you. The person can just make you smile all day long,and just 1 day not with her will make you worrie so much that you just have to call up that person.

She's the one who always worry about you eventhough you didn't reply her text just by 1 minute. She's the one who will always be there for you,giving you a shoulder to cry on when you need 1,being by your side even when you're sick as hell. She's the one who knows you inside out,knows when you're angry,when you're sad,when you have something one your mind. The one who can cheer you up so easily making clowns look stupid.The one who you yearns for her touch,her smile,her everything. One day with her makes you feel like the happiest man alive.

And i keep on ranting bout it,it will become like one of those harry potter books. So gonna stop here. Guess what I'm trying to say is that love can be define is so many ways,and it will come to you when you find that someone. Stay strong..

Eddy Outs..

Understanding Human...

2009-02-12T21:41:00.005+08:00

Look around you.All the people around you.Do you understand whats on their mind? Do you understand why they behave the way they do? Some things are easy to understand,some maybe takes time to understand.Sometimes when we're close to that person is the only way we will know what each of their behavior stands for.Other than that,there's no exact prediction what their behavior stands for.Humans as we all know are unpredictable.Some may come to us and just be such an asshole but at the end turn out to be one of our best buds. Others show us a facade of themselves and only show their true color when they become best of friends with us.By then,its kinda awkward to just hate them.Maybe these are the reasons why there's hatred between one another.

These kind of things fascinate me.Not trying to say that I'm perfect in every kind of way.Not trying to say that I am better than any one of them.Honestly,I am one of them.Sometimes the facade is needed till we really trust that person.Most of the time,when we're too nice,people tend to talk.Even when we act as assholes,people still talks.Sometimes I wonder why bother? Why do we bother to keep their interest in mind?We don't gain anything nor do we lost anything.If people wanna talk,so be it.Am I right?All we know is that its not true.So why bother trying to find out or worse,trying to deny everything.One thing I know about humans,the more we deny to them,the more the believe that its true.Best answer is just to smile,shrug and just walk off.From there,we know that these people aren't our true friends.

Maybe humans are programmed to be like this just like a computer..
Maybe our strength of curiousity is wrongly used...

In Front Of You..

2009-02-10T21:21:00.003+08:00

Some answers are right in front of us.Yet,in so many ways,we missed it.The obvious becomes the hidden,and we continue our search to find the answer.Each time we think of a solution,it never hit us that the solution is right there in our head.So we search harder,deeper into our mind,forgetting about the simplest answer to it.I guess thats just how our brain works.Getting the simplest answer seems to be the hardest part of our life.Every single questions have an answer to it,scientifically,maybe even religiously.Yet we question ourselves each day,asking for solutions from others,not knowing that we can actually solve it ourselves.

The same concept as searching for something that had drop.Somehow,we never realize the stuff is right in front of us.We search all our surroundings except the most obvious.Its somewhat of an obvious place whereby people seems to just glance by.If each of us actually look at it carefully,there are things that others never really seem to see or care.I guess this kind of places are the best for people to stay hidden.Some sort of a sanctuary for them.Maybe a place to hang out for others.

What if we really use our full function of the brain? People who use 9% can do wonders,create things thats never been seen or heard of.What if we use 100% of our brains? Who knows what we can achieve.Yea sure,scientists says we're gonna get seizures and brain damage.But if each individual uses 100% of their brain,wouldn't they come out if a solution to prevent any of that from happening? Just by using 9% of his brain,Einstein became legend.Wouldn't it actually be possible if people find the solution to prevent seizures when the brain develop fully?

Maybe the answers are right in front of us..
Maybe we are just not ready for this..

Weapons..

2009-02-02T22:51:00.003+08:00

I guess the word weapon means more than what we could think of.Every single time I ask someone about a weapon,they'll go gun,knife and anything materialistic.Haven't any of them thought how our mouth is the most powerful weapon of all? Just by opening it,we could start a fight,make people look bad,and just making things either worse or better.
It doesn't hit anybody how our mouth could be the source of someone's pain or someone's hatred.For all you know,someone is insecure because of what others say.Who knows?

With just a short simple line coming out of our mouth,everything changes.Maybe from a good old laughter to a fight,from a fight to a laughter.No one really notice it,but our mouth is one of the biggest weapon.It doesn't necessarily need to explode or shoot out bullets to be a weapon.Just by a few words is enough.

I guess most of the time people don't realize it.Even I don't realize it sometimes.It just slip out and once a while would cost something.Maybe a friend,maybe respect? We don't really know until it happen.Yet,on the bright side,it could be use in a good way.We praise people,we help them by talking to them.Makes us feel better,at the same time,make things better for someone.I guess its up to the person to do what he/she wants.Its all up to them,we can't do anything to change it.

Eddy Outs..

Too short to be feeling anything...

2009-01-27T19:21:00.003+08:00

Hmm..Environment can do wonders to the mood around us.Weird,but somehow,when its about 3 in the morning,with Teh Cino as our drinks,and just a normal kopitiam or void deck,it somehow make us share our problem with.For me and my best friends anyways.And every single time this happens,it get me thinking.Sometimes the same things,sometimes a whole other topic of life.And this time,somehow I realize how important my parents are.

Sure,I complain a lot about them,maybe even shout and scold them.I guess thats what puberty is all about.For now,sure,we would be constantly piss off at our mom or dad,but do we really hate them? The 2 people who raise us up,gave us shelter,food and the feeling of love whereby no other person in the universe could give? Thinking back,I realize how stupid I was to be angry at them for just a small thing.Yea,I will constantly do it without realizing it.Thats just how life goes,no matter how hard you try to control your anger,it will be release one way or another,no matter if its you parents or not.

Just hanging out at Changi Village kopitiam,me and my friends kinda talked about family and stuff.And somehow,I realize how my dad and my mom are random.They would sometime buy things for me just for the fun of it.And at that point of time,I realize how parents would go around anywhere,and always think about their children.Like when they are buying shoes,if they see something nice,they would sometimes buy it and think back,"hey,my son can fit this,so why not buy it?"

I guess everyone of us should think back and be thankful for whatever our parents had done.I dunnoe how my life would be without my mom and dad.
Thanks mom,thanks dad.

Eddy Outs..

Dedication...

2009-01-17T17:02:00.001+08:00

Been hearing this particular song by Ne-yo feat Fabulous titled How I Do.
Its kinda catchy,but since i sucks in computer stuff,don't really know how to put in the song to the blog,so here's the lyrics instead.Haha

Ne-Yo Feat Fabulous - How I Do

We back at it baby
its loso in case you ain't know so
that boy Ne-yo
Chill out shorty we do this

You see i met her at a party the album release
I told her i switch dates like the album release
and when it come to the style im a beast
swagga is crazy
I should be in a asylum at least
& uhm I'm a gentleman I open the doors
so i'm opin in more than Oprah at 4
I does my thing and i hope you do yours
Cuz my shit is so dope
you wont cope with withdrawal?
They like nope we want more
Shorty i could sell it like i tell it
i should open a store
But i don't do the drama
really think ima come blow it up like a suicide bomba
might give you a wink
might send you a drink
Could be nothing
It might be what you think
And either way it play im still loso
had to give it to you baby
in case you didn't know so

Aghhhhh

Ive got a few different women
Told you from the beginning
Girl don't act brand new
I tried to be honest said if so tell me why you trippin
you know how i do
why you callin screamin bout some place that i was seen in with somebody else
you really need to get a hold of yourself girl
heyyy
If you're asking me if i was out with a little sexy thing in a tight red dress
well if you must know the answers yes
riddle me this
When we started chillin
didn't i say that i aint willin to be your boyfriend
Take it or leave
riddle me that
If i kept it real & you said you wanted me still
So why the hell are you screamin at me
About the fact that

Ive got a few different women
Told you from the beginning
Girl don't act brand new
I tried to be honest said if so tell me why you trippin
You know how i do
ohhh heyy
Did i say anything to you
When i spotted you with some dude
From around your way
i saw you just the other day
yeee
no didn't even mess wit it
Cuz real talk ain't my business
You ain't my lady
Do you thing play how you play
riddle me this
If you be out havin fun
kickin it with this one that one
& i don't give you no flack about that girl
Riddle me that
If i don't get in your stuff
baby wont you tell me what
Gives you the right to be all on my back
about the fact that

Ive got a few different women
Told you from the beginning
Girl don't act brand new
I tried to be honest said if so tell me why you trippin
you know how i do
Oh baby let me break it down
Its all about honesty
So baby girl why you wanna trip on me
said Its all about honesty
I kept it real
I kept it real girl
You wanna run in these streets
Wanna run in these street
but don't be mad when you see me
Said its all about honesty
I kept it real

Yea,so if you want the song,I do have it. The lyrics is awesome.
I'm awesome!

Eddy Outs..

People Around...

2009-01-14T20:00:00.002+08:00

I really don't get it.Not a single thing seems to make sense right now.Maybe I did a mistake,maybe its not even my fault.I don't know.But one thing for sure,its starting to piss me off.I can't count how many million times I've said to people,I rather hear things straightforward,straight to my face.But I guess,some people may not have the guts to do it.Like I've said before,whats the point of backstabbing? Whats the point of talking behind someone's back? It just gets freaking annoying.Somewhat like a fly.Guess we really can't trust anyone these days huh.

What does it take to make someone to get off your back? Honestly,I've been thinking this for quite a long time.Sometimes I just wanna say get the hell out of my life!!!
Just shout it straight to the person's face and get it over with.Its been months since it happened,so get over it.No need to be so emotional about it,coz in the end it won't happen.Whatever it is that you want won't,let me emphasize on the WON'T,happen.Not in a million years,not in the next million decades.Not even if you're the last girl on earth,coz honestly,I don't love you as someone who's special.You're just another friend I got k.

I guess I'm being too harsh.I just can't take it anymore.Friends seems to be enemies,and enemies are just making things worse.I guess its falling apart.Somehow in my head,I thought things would go smoothly just like that,but obstacles still comes.Maybe its me,maybe I did something to piss them all,to piss nature off.But I rather have it right in front of me.For once in my life,I want someone to step up to me and tell me what it is that they despise or what it is that I did to piss them off.Sure,it would be painful,but its better for me,coz if its my fault,I can change.Haiz..

Eddy Outs..

Meanings...

2009-01-13T20:14:00.003+08:00

Sometimes,certain things have a meanings towards it.Like the elders seems to say,each dream have a meaning towards it,be it good or bad.Sometimes even out of the blue of a normal day,we just have a very bad feeling,and if we follow it,things goes smoothly,if not,somehow things just go bad.This is what people call the 6th sense,or what usually meant as instinct.We follow our instinct,either good or bad.If its good,we'll be thankful and trust our instinct,but if its bad,we just learn from our mistake,and try to make the same mistake again.Thats just how life goes,either we make a decision or we already have decision,only thing is,whether we follow it or not.

Somehow,hearing a song by Ne-Yo,Title : How I Do,made me think over and over again.It was my instinct to be honest and just move on with life.I guess in the back of my head,I know that there won't be going anywhere if I continued the so-called relationship.Its like placing water and fire together,its either the water boil up or the fire dies.Thats just how I feel.At the same time,I have others around me.Not saying that I'm a player or anything like that,just that I'm showing that I'm not ready for any serious relationship at that point of time.Maybe I did the wrong thing at that point of time,but I didn't regret it coz I followed my instinct.

It gets to the point whereby,sometimes its better to move on rather than wait.Like many times I heard,it takes 2 hands to clap.No one hand can clap on its own.I realize that sometimes,life can't always go your way.You can't get everything you want,or even anyone you want.In reality,life actually sucks.People hate you,people like you,people talk behind you,people rob you,people just do stuff you don't like.Yet,there's nothing much you can do.Coz you know thats just the way life is.Its just best to accept it and move on.No point of finding the end of a rainbow for a pot of gold,coz it won't be there.Move on,plz.

Eddy Outs..

Resting Period

2009-01-11T11:44:00.003+08:00

Finally the NP Open House is over.3 Days of walking up and down really gives you something to sleep on,though I still sleep around 1+ most of the time.Overall it wasn't that bad,had a few laughs here and there,though I lost 40 bucks just like that.Crowd wasn't all that bad,though some just gets on your nerves sometimes.It doesn't matter actually,just that enjoying the 3 days is the most important part.

Been thinking lately,who can we really trust in this world? Looking around,you can hear people talking behind each others back like its just a normal day activity.Yet,when they see the person they are bitching bout,all of them act normal and sudden friendliness is seen.I guess what I'm trying to say is that,it's very hard to find true friends,those who accept you for who you are,and tell it straight to you if they don't like your attitude or something.Let me ask a question.Would you turn on your bestest best of friend just becoz you find out,lets say,he eats glue and everyone hates him for that?

Honestly in my opinion,what does that matter? I mean you don't turn on your true friend,who trust you and been there for you every single time,just becoz of one stupid thing.From my past experience,real friends are hard to find.To be honest,out of the 10 friends you have,only 1 will stick by you and be there whenever you need them.Think about it before making a judgement call about someone,you'll never know that person might save you one day.

Eddy Outs

A New Year,Does it Necessarily Mean A New Me?

2009-01-05T00:06:00.003+08:00

So,its been like how many months since I updated this blog? Guess been too busy with sleeping in the day,and out at night.Still having sleeping difficulties as usual.Sickening,but hey,thats how I go.

2009 huh.Here,so fast.Seems like yesterday 2008 started,well,not really,but you catch my drift.Guess,looking back,there were a million things I'm not proud of doing.Hurting people here and there.I apologize to those I hurt,and sorry again for any mistake in the future.I'm still only human.There are a million things in my head,thoughts coming in and out like a train.Guess,throughout last year,I learned a lot of things.Whether mentally,emotionally or even physically,there were experiences I had that sucks,that brought happiness.But one thing for sure,last year was where I really saw my true friends.The ones who irritate me,the ones who bug me,the ones who actually care enough to hang out with me till late at night.Guess,one thing I have to say,thanks for being there bro.

Anyways,been thinking lately,so what if its new year? Doesn't mean I have to change for it.But still,as usual me being fickle minded,I guess I did change throughout 2008.Maybe people do notice,maybe they don't.It doesn't matter does it.As long as I feel great bout myself,why should i care right.Maybe all this experiences actually change me to become more optimistic.In one way,theres a change right there.

Honestly,on my mind,I'm still kinda afraid of what the future brings.What if I fail in life? What if I won't make it in school? What if I'll turn into a junkie? What if I won't even survive another day? If its for someone else,yea,it'll be worth it to just leave this Earth,this Planet,this Life.But what if I die because of stupid things? I guess,it doesn't really matter.Whatever is coming will come no matter what,I'll just have to face it one way or another.Right?

Eddy Outs..

Future..

2008-11-26T22:49:00.003+08:00

There are just some things that humans can't seem to see or predict.One of it is the future.What does our future bring? What will happen to us 10 years down the road? Will we be someone who we're not,or will we still be the same person as we are? Who knows what will happen,flying cars? Floating buildings? Imagination running a bit wild.

Honestly,thinking about the future makes me scared.Terrified actually.Looking at the rate that I'm going,and the results I'm getting,I just don't think I'll be someone.Looking at my options,somehow none of it can be reach. I mean,Toronto University?? I'll be lucky if they even want me there.Paramedic? Maybe,that is if I can get into Civil Defense during NS. I guess some of the things are just near but yer too far for me to reach. Many people said that if you don't try,you'll never know. Yea sure,I agree,but look at the circumstances,I don't think I can do it even if I try. Sure,giving up now is just a lost battle.Haiz..I just don't know what to say.

Changing topic.Sometimes I wonder what happen to all those that I know.Some of them change,or maybe just showed their true colors.Some just act like I'm a stranger,even worse.I guess in this world,its just hard to know who your real friends are.Those who are nice to you might have another motive.Some are just being nice in front of you but not behind you.Some are just plain bitches/bastards but actually they're not that bad.I guess what I'm trying to say is,its just hard to find true friends.Not in this time anyways.

Eddy Outs..

A Game..

2008-11-20T21:12:00.003+08:00

Look back and think,were there any small things that you would want to change? The mistakes that you did,either big or small? The friends you want to make but was just to shy? I guess,everyone would want the same thing,just to undo things that were done and do things that should have been done.

But reality hits us like a boulder falling from the sky. Life is not a game,you can't hit the restart button and start all over just because you make a mistake. All we can do is just move on and try to stop ourselves from making the same mistake again. If that mistake affected someone,all we can do is say sorry. Whether that person accepts it or not,its up to them,not us to judge.

I guess there are things that we can't do to change things around us. You can't just tell god "Hey All Mighty up there,bring me back to when I was young with all my memory intact so I can relive my life.Thx dude!". Its not a cartoon nor a comic book where turning back time is possible,where life is just so perfect. All we can do is accept it,not make things worse by trying so hard to lie to ourselves. Face our fears and embraced it,not run away from it.

Eddy Outs..

Another Year Older..

2008-11-17T00:39:00.002+08:00

Finally turned 18 yesterday.So fast time flies.I still feel like I'm 17 though.I wonder why many people keep bragging when they turn 18,I rather stay young then grow old.Maybe becoz 18 is the year where things starts to get legal.Hmm..

Well,reached home at around 7++.Not really sure what time.Was too sleepy since a few days came home in the morning.Opened the door and there my dad sitting and shouting happy birthday.Haha.Was kinda touched as they usually forget when my birthday is.So had breakfast with them and mom asked about me taking driving license.Heck,I don't have the money yet,hw to take.After breakfast,mom and dad gave me money as birthday presents as they don't really know what to buy for me.So,in the end got 70 bucks to spend.So,most probably gonna save for the enrolment at BBDC.

So,basically slip the whole day,till about 4.Woke up and had my b'day cake.Chocolate truffle.Freaking nice.Went dinner with frends and now back to blog about it.I know that its kinda stupid to blog about the day,bt I just have to get it out of my system.Its really fun.Haha.Oh well,eyes getting tired,and my pillow is just calling me back.Nytes everybody.

Eddy Outs..

Reality..

2008-11-10T23:59:00.002+08:00

Been watching movies,sitcoms and comedy through the comp.Somehow,I realize somethings after every shows.Its one thing that many people wants,yet its really hard to achieve.Only through the movies or tv shows that we could feel this significant feeling.The feeling whereby each and every one of us wants yet we can't actually get it.The feeling of true happiness.

The feeling whereby we find that person.The one that brings happiness,joy and all things good to our life.The person who knows us for who we are and accept it no matter how bad we are.The person who change our life totally and makes things perfect even though things are just not right at that moment.The person who makes us look forward to having a family and showing nothing but love.The one person who can just look you in the eyes and know what you are thinking about without you having to say it at all.
The type of person that only exists in movies.The one person who we can only be brought by the media.

Watching the shows,it make me feel kinda depressed.How will I ever find the one.How can life be less miserable and just be perfect like in the movies.How can life have a perfect ending.These things run in my head and I just realize that it won't happen.Reality hit me and I just know that movies are made up and its nothing compared to the real world.Life can never be like the movies,life will always have problems not like in the movies.No matter how hard we try,life is just life.It can never be perfect like in the movies.I guess the medias really make us human feel more pathetic than we already are.Who knows,maybe one day our life can be like the movies and not just be another pathetic crap that we face everyday.

Eddy Outs..

Come And Go..

2008-11-08T18:03:00.002+08:00

School is really making me stressed out.Common test are round the corner,practical is nex week,projects are due.Apparently I'm just not prepared.Not for the common test,not for the practicals.Screwed as usual I guess.Time seems to be moving too fast.It seems like only yesterday that I started school and now its already 1 month since school started.Honestly,I don't have any freaking idea whats going on.Ok,maybe a bit of whats going on.Haiz..

I guess theres no time for me to play anymore.Gotta be more mature in all this and start preparing for the future.Looking around,seems like everyone knows exactly what they want.University,working,overseas.And all I've got is just going for something that is near.All I want right now is just to get the diploma and think bout it after that.Most probably it will be too late by then.Argh,the more i think bout it,the more stress up I become.Change topic...

Somehow,those that I thought would be someone I could rely on turns out to be those who are self-centered.I just don't get it,feels like they are just using me.I know,that sounds gay,but get the big picture aight.I just don't get it,honestly.I mean,I know I can't expect them to be what I want them to be,but hey,at least have the courtesy to be a friend.Not someone who pangsey at the last minute,not someone who lie just to get something that they want.Just someone who's there when you need them you know.Forget it,most of the people around me are like that.Guess I'm pathetic.

Eddy Outs..

S to the I to the C to the K...

2008-11-03T21:53:00.003+08:00

Rain,the wonders of nature.Yet,the one thing that got me sick.Haiz.Somehow,they should really place shelters in each neighborhood.All due to the rain,now I'm really2 sick.Sick of being sick,sick of school,sick of everything.Head spinning just making things worse for me.Paracetamol wasn't much of a help.I just need her!!

Haiz.I guess old crushes really stays in the heart.I had wasted my chance too much,should have grab it when I had it.Now,I seem to be trying to hard to get her.Yet,I can't seem to get to know her feelings.Maybe coz I don't see her at all since she left sch,and we seldom contact each other,except through msn.Plus,she's always seem busy with stuff.How I wish I have the guts to just go ahead and tell her how I feel.Guess wishes don't come true easily.

Walking around,i see how stupid and disgusting certain singaporeans are.I mean,first of all,would you want someone sitting beside you to clip the nails in the bus?? I mean,you have a home to do that for,go home and do it,don't do it in public and let all your freaking disgusting nails jumping on others.2ndly,whats up with parents letting their child pee beside the road or in the bushes?? Whats the freaking use of a toilet for?? I mean,theres a public toilet in every MRT station.How stupid can these ppl can be.Sickening..

Eddy Outs...

Behind A Line..

2008-10-30T23:19:00.003+08:00

Seems to me that time really moves very fast.Wake up and it was only monday,and now its alrdy saturday night.School and work really takes up a lot of time.Deep inside,I kinda actually liked it.But then to think again,I want to spend all the time doing something rather than being stuck with sch and work.Miss hanging out with my friends,and just sit somewhere or go out somewhere to hang out and talk.Though,I do hang out with some of them most of the time.Haha.

Being bored seems the 1 thing I'm really good at.Woke up and I already feel bored.I guess what i really want is an adventure.Something new to do other than the same old stuff.Work is starting to get boring though most of them treat me good.Yet,there's the politic going on and i just don't get it.Why start something when there's just no apparent reason for it.Kinda stupid actually.Me and fiq talked about it and we rambled on for about 2hrs,just exchanging views.Seems to me that we have the same view about stuff most of the time.Maybe due to what we had been through since secondary.

Seems to me,there's always a hidden reason behind every action.Why go through all the trouble making up stuff when a person can just say it out.Asking a favor or something.I mean its much easier rather than beating around the bushes,making up story before finally showing the true reason.Stupid isn't it.Sickening,but hey,that's how human actually works..

Eddy Outs

Surrounding Me..

2008-10-28T00:54:00.003+08:00

Looking around,there are many things that's actually making me curious.How things work and how things become.Its some sort of like when a kid ask their parents where babies comes from.Yet,curious as I am,I don't bother searching for the answer.Maybe I'm being too arrogant in thinking the answer will come to me.But most importantly is my laziness.Maybe what my brother keep telling is true.As time passes by,with all the technology and all the kids being spoil,laziness tends to be a 2nd nature to them.Us I mean.Sure,everyone is lazy at some point of time,but I noticed those born after the year 2000 seems to be worse.

1st of all,they are totally spoiled to the point whereby they are rude even to their own parents.I may be rude,but hey,parents still deserve respect.I don't even dare to raise my voice when I was young.Now,I just raise my voice when they really gets on my nervous system.I mean,things do get out of hand when you're angry and all,but being rude to their parents all the time,its just unspeakable of.For gods sake,they were the one who brought you to life,the least you could do is show them respect.I guess,somehow,I do understand how parents feel.

Many a times,I see things that actually shocked me.Like an elderly being bang just because they walked slower than others.Kids misbehaving in public and their parents just ignores it.These kind of stuff are so common nowadays.Somehow,the worse behavior that really gets on my nerves are people just cutting queue and banging you like you're not there at all.This usually occurs when boarding the bus and all.Its like you're in front,and some guy just walks towards you push you to the side and stands in front of you like nothing actually happened.I mean,whats up with that? Sometimes I really just wanna pull them back and punch them in the face.But fight fire with fire actually brings no point at all.Haiz..Singaporeans,when will they ever change?

Eddy Outs..

Something Could Be Seen..

2008-10-27T03:17:00.003+08:00

Looking back,there are things I wish I have said sooner than wasted most of my time waiting for the right time.Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and undo all those wasted time.All the feelings I've kept were slowly killing me from the inside.Until to the point whereby I lose it and I realised it was too late to undo all the times.Slowly,I try to regain back all the self-esteem and there comes the same cycle again.I guess I'm just stupid to have wasted all this time for someone or something that could be seen but not there in front of my eyes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is,I'm back to the same cycle again.Someone out there had my heart,and she's just too far to be reached.Yet,in my head,I realised that there is no way for me to get her.First of all,there are no signs of her having the same feelings.Who knows.in the near future,whereby I already have someone else in my mind.I find out that she have the exact same feelings as I did,only thing is its too late for me to do anything.I guess,theres no point of having the feeling when love has forgotten me.

Maybe its due to the previous relationship I had,ended up being the worse of all my relationship.Maybe,I have already given up on all this.Just maybe,its my fear of getting the same thing over again.Haiz..

Eddy Outs..

Its all about the money..

2008-10-25T14:56:00.002+08:00

You know how many people have this saying,money is the root of all evil? Well,i agree to the fullest extend that it can't extend anymore. Whats the basic amount of money for a family to live a happy life 5-10 years back? 3k at least? Or around there if I'm not wrong.With that small amount,they can live a normal simple life with a few luxuries.Without any back pay or any debts to be paid off.Now let us see into the nearest of the nearest present.

NOW,3k is just a bloody hell small amount of money whereby you live your life with all the basic needs only.Not much luxury and maybe a few debts here and there.What happened to the world? Somehow,the rich are actually getting richer,and the poor are just getting no better. Yea,sure the country and all around us are advancing,but where's the fairness? Prices of everything are going up and only up,whereas everyone's pay are still the same. No raise in the basic salary or whatsoever. The only way for people to survive this era is to work their ass off every single day just to survive the world's economy.

Haiz.Somehow,its getting depressing everyday.The more I think about the future,the more stress I am.Things that is planned out may never be reach.Things that's not to my liking is just round the corner.Its either I take it and just bare with it,or leave it and bear the consequences.How depressing can life be at this moment of time?
Answer is in each individual.For me,it really is depressing.

Eddy Outs..

Surprisingly Great...

2008-10-23T03:48:00.003+08:00

Nothing better to do during NR,so went online and tried some IQ test.Surprisingly,the first test I did,my IQ is 149.Seriously,I was actually stunned.Who am I to be kidding?? Eddy? Having an IQ of 149?? You gotta to be kidding me.So it was kinda true,I took another IQ test and I got 140.Weird.But hey,its just a test.Was thinking of getting the real IQ test.See how much is the actual reading.Weird thing is,exams bores me,but these kind of online quiz or test is actually entertaining.Unless its related to what I'm studying,it would still be boring.Haha

The day even better at night.Went to meet Shafiq just to hang out.In the end,there I saw Sharva,Ravin,Thilak and Jenny.Its been quite a while since I saw them.So went riding with them since the 3 of them have bikes.Went till 1 hr ago and now here I am just blogging coz I'm afraid I'll overshot if I sleep.Honestly,I can't wait to get my own license.Be it car or bike.Its convenient and fun especially when you're out with friends.Just the few of the guys,hanging out,going places that's far away from Woodlands.Somehow,Woodlands is getting too boring.Nothing much to be done here.Guess I'll just have to be patient.

Eddy Outs..

Nth Better To Do..

2008-10-22T09:17:00.001+08:00

Your EQ is 140

You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.

You are warm and open. Even when life gets you down, you're unafraid of the world and its challenges.

You are comfortable with who you are. And you accept your weaknesses - as well as the weaknesses of others.

While you are quite stable, you don't respond perfectly to every bad situation that comes up.

But you have enough emotional intelligence to know when you need a course correction.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

As Time Passes By..

2008-10-20T01:21:00.002+08:00

Now that school re-open,back to the same cycle over and over again till the time where attchment comes and there goes another cycle.Sickening,yet,at least there's something better to do than rot at home.For now,its sch on weekdays,work on weekends and hang out at nights when all of us are not lazy.Somehow,due this weird schedule that I have,my sleep is compromised.I can't sleep normally now at night unless I'm super damn tired.Thus,the eye bag that everyone thought either kena punch,or big pimple.Haha.

Thinking bout it,somehow I'm the type that can't stay at home.Seems like I'm seeing more of the outside world than my own house now.Even when I'm suppose to be free,I'll just find something to do to get me out of the house.Even on weekends,I'll put my schedule for long hours and just come home to sleep or sometimes I'll just come home early in the morning.One thing I noticed is that the more I go out,the more things I learned.Though simple2 stuff,but hey,a gold is a gold ryte.No matter hw big or hw small.Its still valuable.Who knows,maybe one of the things I learned can actually safe my life.

Someone who I just met asked me one thing.What if you can earn 20k per month? My answer was worth it yes,but it also depends on the job itself.He kinda got curious,and asked why.So I explained to him,yes its worth it,but what if the job that pays you that high of an amount of money is not enjoyable to you? You'll just hate the job and drag your feet to work.He was quite shock.He shook my hand and actually said,I like the way you think.I mean,its true that the pay is good and all.But why go for the money when you can go for the enjoyment of the work.Its not worth it if your happiness is compromise isn't it? Different people have different opinion,what about yours?

Eddy Outs..
Take Care Siol!

What Else...

2008-10-16T19:17:00.002+08:00

I just don't get it.What will it take to get you out of my life? Isn't all the things I've said mean anything to you? Seriously,get a life.I don't need to wake up to a stupid msg that pisses me off every single morning.The world don't revolve around you,and I don't care what you want from me.Million times I've told you stop bothering me.But funny thing is,you don't get it and you're the one asking me to stop contacting you.Life,WTF?? Heck,I never did contact you.Somehow you're the freaking one who contact me,giving all this lame ass bullshit.How contradicting is that? When you tell someone not to contact you,it means you don't contact that person too.Or are you too dumb to understand what you yourself said?

Haiz.Just wanna let things out.Seriously I don't get it.1 person can be so fucking irritating and I just can't seem to understand why that particular idiot don't understand what I'm saying.I mean,does "Stop bothering me" means that you continue msging me? Haiz.Funny how 1 person can piss me off so terribly and ruin my mood easily.Actually,its not really funny,its more sickening than funny.I know,I'm being mean,but hey,if being nice doesn't get her out of my life,being mean is next.If that still doesn't work,I think I'll turn to the Hulk.Haha.

Nothing much to update.Other than letting out the anger.Feel much better now.

Eddy Outs

A Person's Loss..

2008-10-15T17:53:00.003+08:00

I just don't understand how these people live with themselves.I mean,whats the point of telling that you're coming when in the end you're not gonna turn up? Might as well just be honest and say you're not coming coz you're lazy or something.Better than standing someone up and just ignore every phone call.Just piss people off rather.Better to be straight forward than lie and make things worse.Really don't understand people now.Guess thats poly life.

Basically nothing much,just went to watch yet another movie.This time around with Beng.Big Stan is kinda cool movie,funny and fun especially for those who likes fight scenes.Dunnoe whats got into me today,even before movie starts we were laughing our asses off.And NO,we're not gay if thats what you think.Haha.

Sometimes its just hard to know whether someone is smiling at you coz they're interested in you.Maybe I missed the chance,maybe I was just thinking too much.Doesn't matter,if its meant to be,den its meant to be.If its not,den so be it.Live still moves on.I guess I just came to a point where I don't wanna try to hard or get to involve with people.Just go with the flow,if things are to work out,den its all good.If things aren't working out,den too bad.Doesn't really matter,the world is full of people.Like I've said before,people come people go.Right?

Eddy Outs..

Being cursed...

2008-10-14T18:22:00.002+08:00

I really have no idea whether I'm being cursed in using technology.Somehow every single time I buy a new phone,mp3 or whatever,it will just give me fucking problems.First it was the N76,which I honestly thought it was a good choice.Well it is,though the outer cover is totally messed up.Then there was the China Phone,which I just bought for fun,now giving me problem due to some network problem.The best part is,my mp3 died on me.So had to use my PDA for songs which is okay,except for the big bulky thing in my pocket.Sickening.Maybe its time I stop buying any single technology.Haizzz...

I seriously dunnoe what I can do to make you thing that I'm not joking.Told you an honest answer and you thought I was joking,told you a lie and still you wouldn't believe me.So,here's my way of getting your attention.Honestly,this is how I really feel.I fell for you when we started to get to know each other.I just didn't say a thing becoz i know you wouldn't bother.I dunnoe why you wouldn't believe me,maybe becoz I always prank u.Well,this is something that I dun wanna lie and I just wanna get of my chest.There's a lot of maybe,so here's another 1.Maybe I fell for you becoz well,u ARE cute.And maybe bcoz you kinda get my attention easily.So yea,I like you and all this while my msn nick was about you.Believe me? If not,I guess theres nothing much I can do..

Eddy Outs..

Now It Starts..

2008-10-13T22:41:00.002+08:00

Hw depressing can sch be when it starts at 4?? The answer is,well depends on how you see it.One view would be,I don't need to wake up early and be stoning early in the morning while bathing with cold water.Rushing to class coz of jam at clementi.And of course suffering early in the morning just watching the lecturers talk and talk and talk all they want.On the other hand,reaching sch when everybody is going home.Telling you,it sucks.Everybody at the bus stop just waiting for the bus to come and they could go home and slack all they want.While I'm walking down the stairs and walking pass them just to reach sch and enter a stupid lecture theater for 2 hrs of lecture.Haiz.Oh well,at least I don't have to wake up early.

Life couldn't be more bliss until to the point where someone just have to ruin it for u.I still don't get it.Every single thing I said just means giberrish to her.I mean,for the 4th time,can't she get the point that I'm not interested.I told her off 4 times and somehow,she keeps asking me the same questions.Honestly,it was irritating then,and its just getting worse NOW.God,I can't help it but just get this feeling of hate towards her.I know,its not good to hate people,but she's just getting on my nerves and maybe trying to get to my brain even.Haiz...

Back to waking up early and thinking of what to bring and trying not to sleep late or else I'll wake up late.Sounds really2 fun.I want my holidays back.....

Eddy Outs

Door Open..

2008-10-12T00:02:00.002+08:00

Finally done with open house.Honestly,I was kind of piss of with my mum for telling me last minute.She only told me yesterday and I'm like wtf am I suppose to do?? Its not fair when you planned it long ago and just tell me now ryte? Hw am I suppose to invite my friends for raya?! That was what ran through my mind.But when I saw how my brother got really pissed off and treated my mum,I kind of pitied her.Its not fair for her too as she's busy with work and all,maybe the plan slipped through her mind.

So,went along with it and msg those who I have their no. Though last minute,quite a few turned up and make things better.Honestly I didn't expect that much of my friends to come.Especially my secondary sch friends.Though a bit sad they didn't ask me go raya along.Doesn't matter anyways.Wanna thanks Jovi and Adillah for coming from all one end just to come for the open house.Really appreciate it.Khai turned up and hang out till late.Kinda miss hanging out with him and all the stupid jokes we tell each other.Bring back some memories.Lol

Just 1 more day till school start.Monday start at 4-6,like wtf.Stupid timetable.Fucking waste my evening where I can just hang out with my friends and enjoy the night.But noooo,stupid school have to spoil that for me.But looking on the bright side,I can work on Sundays now.More work,more pay.Haha.What can I say,I need the money for my own pampering time.Lols.

Eddy Outs..

101 Ways To Nag..

2008-10-09T19:25:00.002+08:00

Honestly,sometimes parents just don't understand teens nowadays.They are always stuck in their own time,saying when THEY were young THEY didn't do this,didn't have that and blah blah blah blah blah!Let me emphasize on the "THEY".Its always about THEM,not about US.I mean come on,its already 2008,and things are different now.People change and culture change.When it was THEIR time,of course THEY can't come home late,for god sake THEY live in Kampung.Now its all HDB flats and there are more things to do.Of course teens nowadays wanna go home late.Haiz..

The most depressing thing right now is that I'm left with 3 days of holidays.For the past 6 weeks,I had attachments.And now I can't enjoy my pathetic 1 week of holiday because they keep nagging saying I'm always out.OF COURSE I'M ALWAYS OUT! I HAVE WORK AND ATTACHMENTS!! Sheesh..If you wanna blame someone blame the fucking school for giving attachments.Rather than you keep nagging at me,its time you guys use the time wisely and THINK about my feelings.Ok,now I'm just complaining..

Thinking back,there are many things that is about me that I get from them.The hasty decisions,the short temper,the stubbornness,well,especially the stubbornness.All the things that I am is because of them.Both the negative and positive.But there's one thing that I've gotten from living with them,the patience to tolerate a whole lot of bullshit from anyone.Honestly,if it wasn't for the patience that I have right now,I don't think I'm living in this house.Most probably gone to another country already.You can tell how bad it is just by hearing that right..Sickening

Eddy Outs..

3 Days 2 Nights..

2008-10-07T17:15:00.000+08:00

Just got back from chalet.I meant,chalets.Had 2 chalet for 3 days.The first 1 was Adillah's chalet,at Pasir Ris Costa Sand,the other 1 was at Jurong East Chevrons.Honestly speaking,I'm freaking tired after the 3 days.Only had less than 3 hours of sleep in total.Plus the swimming and the bowling and the talking till late night.Fun for quite a while.

The 2nd chalet was quite a disappointment actually.Not because of the company but becoz of the lack of activities to do.Kinda boring after a while,but things worked out and had fun after that.Went bowling with Ben.Amir,Hafiz,Xiang Yang,Jia Hui and one girl.Though my thumb and back hurts,it was worth every single cent.Headed back home and here I am ranting,just waiting for my eyes to close so I could sleep soundly.All the way till tomorrow.Woots...:/

Just left with 5 days of holidays till school re-open.Kinda miss the school and all hang out friends.The chalet actually showed me how fun the people are.Crazy as they are.No offense guys.Right now,I just can't wait to enrol for car license.Waiting for the time where I get enough money,den there I go to learn how to drive.Seriously,as expensive as it is,having own transport is better than using public transport.Its faster,more convenient and most of all,more comfortable as not a single soul will push you in your own car and be kiasu.How it would be a bliss if I have my own driving license and my own car right now.Haiz..

Eddy Outs

Over And Tired..

2008-10-04T15:20:00.001+08:00

Yesterday marked the last day of stupid attachment,for this month anyways.Had fun slacking though,didn't actually bother to help anyone.Just sick and tired of it that made me actually went back early.Finally freedom at last.
Though nothing was planned,me and Black actually went to Sembawang park just to cycle around.Went to Kampung Wak Hassan to explore the area a bit,and yea,so a few stuff.Though wasn't midnight or anything,it sure was scary.Slack at the nearest kopitiam and just rest after like a few hours of cycling.My butt still hurts even though rested the whole night.Had one of those conversations with him and ended up talking till about 2 am before heading home.Was worth it though.

Somehow the conversation got me thinking.We can't make somebody change the way we want them to be.Different people have different character and sure some of their characters are not to our liking,but if they're friends,we just have to accept them for who they are.We adapt to who they are and accept it,its just up to them to get the point or not.Sometimes friends can be an asshole,a bitch or whatever you may call them.I know,coz I use to be one too.But things change and people change.It just takes time.In the mean time,all we can do is adapt to their ways and accept them for who they are until to the point where they realize it themselves and make the change.Life can bring quite a lot of surprises.You may never know whats coming next.

This year's hari raya is just not as fun as it was years back.Heck,it wasn't as fun as last year either.Maybe due to many being busy working and schooling.The mood is just not there when you are thinking about exams and stuffs at work.Sickening as it is,guess just have to bear it.

Eddy Outs

1 more day..

2008-10-02T16:16:00.000+08:00

Been bearing for the past 5 weeks going in and out of hospitals just to work for them for free,and finally now,I'm just one more day from being free.No more hospitals to go to,no more CI watching your back,no more entertaining stupid shit you get from both the patient and visitors.Just one more day to freedom.Aaahh,how I miss it.Waking up late and sleeping late,hanging out with friends just to pass the time,doing nothing but rotting.The good old laying back and eating junk food the whole day.Haiz..

Yet,downside to it,I only have 1 week.Then back to school.Though I rather go school then rot at home with nothing to do.Though working would be fun but that means I'm stuck to waking up early and being tired,though with pay this time.Somehow,working life sucks.Leading to no real life like what we really have now.Hanging out with friends,going to new places.But when we really start a full time job,we end up seeing our workplace more than seeing our friends or family.Sickening when you think about it.

Addition to it,we can't live without money in Singapore.Standard of living is too high.For me anyways.How depressing can life be? Answer to that would be very.But hey,its how you live your life that makes things better.Everything have its pros and cons.You just need to focus on the pros more than the cons right? Well,sometimes its just to hard.

Eddy Outs..

Time Flies..

2008-10-01T23:31:00.000+08:00

First of all,I wanna wish to all Muslims,Selamat Hari Raya,Maaf Zahir dan Batin!!
Since I'm asking for forgiveness,might as well ask to all.I wanna ask for forgiveness for the things that I've done that might have hurt those out there,hope all my wrong doings be forgiven,and I would like to say sorry for the things that might not occured yet. Selamat Hari Raya Everyone.

2ndly,time does pass by just like that.It seems like yesterday that fasting month started.Now 1 month had passed and I didn't actually felt it.Maybe because of all the work and attachments.Guess being busy does have its advantages.

Its been a while since I blog,so maybe gonna rant quite a bit.

I can't believe I'm saying this,but I MISS TTSH!! Its not the environment of NUH that makes me sick,but the staffs there and somehow everyone there just aren't too friendly with students.And the transportation part just sucks! Takes 30 mins to wait for a bus,and the same time for cab too.WTF! Honestly,give me 6 wks of TTSH anytime rather than 2 wks of NUH.At least at TTSH I can visit my cousin.Haiz.

Somehow,I just don't get it.All the things I've said,done and showed are not enough.Maybe she is head of heels for me,but I just can't.Somehow its just hard to prove my point,maybe one day she'll understand,but right now,its just getting irritating.What will I do if somehow you text me at the wrong time and ended up she reading it? Is that your motive of saying all that? Haiz.Sometimes,I just can't understand.

Its kind of funny.Maybe I'll do the same thing if I really love the girl.I guess somehow I understand the feeling.I just wanna let things out.Coz every single time these kind of msges appear,I get frustrated.I guess I'm being too harsh.Haiz.

Eddy Outs

Knowing Me..

2008-09-19T21:05:00.000+08:00

There are many things in this world that we can't actually explain in simple terms.Thats one thing everyone should know.Addition to that,one person can't really know the other person really well,from inside out,within just a few days or even months.Even best friends take a few years to really know the other party really well.I'm saying this for the sake of letting out something thats been in my head for a long time.

I'm just an average normal person.Nothing too special about me,and nothing weird about me.Its just me.I may be an asshole to some,very nice to others,and just plain irritating to many.Thats a fact,and I know it myself.But that doesn't mean that that's the real me.My head is filled with so many things that I kinda might blow up at any moment to anyone.Surely,those who really know are those thats with me every single time.Honestly,my Poly friends don't know me at all.Not even the slightest of who I really am.

I'm the type of person who keeps thing to myself.Letting things out to only those I really trust.And getting my trust is not that simple.I may be easy going and all,but don't judge me,coz once you do that,I'll be that type of person only towards you.I can be easy going all the time,yet I might show some things that many haven't seen yet.If you think you really know me,all I'll do is laugh and say this. "Think Again."

Eddy Outs..

Just Another Place..

2008-09-14T11:44:00.000+08:00

This blog been stagnant for quite a while.Due to my busy schedule,didn't really get to update it that much.Attachment during weekdays and work during weekends,gets me no life actually.But the money from work is good,so,I'm happy.Been 2 weeks exactly since fasting month,so far,so good.Tiring is all.

I reached CDC on my first day and I already hate it.Even Kampung is nicer than that horrible place.Plus my CI is quite a stupid biatch.We're in year 2,we know how to do the basics skill,we don't need you to supervise for a stupid NGT feeding.Plus,we're suppose to be helping not doing all the job there.We don't need you Enrolled Nurses to shout from one end of a corridor to the other end just to ask me for help.Idiots.

Been thinking about it.I guess theres no apparent point in trying anymore.Somehow I'm stuck in a love triangle.Though I've told myself millions of time,better to go with someone who loves you,rather then chasing someone who don't,somehow words are not the same as actions.I realize,I rather just give up on both.On the one I'm chasing and the one who I think loves me.I don't want to be the bad guy,but I don't see a point in accepting anything when I don't have the same feelings towards her.And I don't see the point of going after her,when I know she don't have the same feelings towards me.Haiz.

Thats it for now.Try to update soon again.

Eddy Outs.

Where we're gonna be..

2008-09-07T16:24:00.001+08:00

Been a while since I blogged.Been busy with attachment and work.Hey,anything to give my head less things to think about.

Looking back with my friends,I wonder where we're gonna be when we turn older.Will we still be hanging out like we are doing right now,or will we just get further and further apart? Somehow the song Graduation by Vitamin C really have a lot of meaning in it.Every word of it shows what the future might be.How hard it is for us to enjoy our friend's company when we're older.Even now with me having attachments and part-time job,I seldom get to see them.Only when we're out at night den we hang out and just joke around.Haiz..

I guess its just too obvious.Might as well move on.Nothing gonna change even if I propose to her right now.Like I've said before,how could you be so blind? Maybe its just not meant to be.Oh wells.

Eddy Outs

As We Move On...

2008-08-29T23:05:00.000+08:00

Life goes on fast.And every single steps we take,taught us something.Every time I look back,I kind of appreciated every steps I've taken.Each and every single mistakes surely brings consequences,but it also brings us a lesson which we'll never forget.Sometimes,I really wonder what my life would be like if I took a different path.Instead of turning right,I turned left.Would it make a lot of differences? Would it change who I am right now?

There are millions of what if in my head.Such as what if I never joined nursing in ngee ann,would things be different? Will the people around me be different? Will I be different? Certain aspects of life brings us joy,while certain things give us depression,sadness.But every single time this occurs,it just makes us stronger.We learn by moving on and making mistakes,its true.Looking back at my life,I do regret at some of the mistakes I've done,but when I think about it,its a good thing that I did it.

I learned and try my very best to prevent history to repeat itself.Nothing can change the past,but the future is still untold.From all the experiences I've been through,people I meet,people who broke my heart,I learned new things.Yea sure,most of the time its too late to realise the mistake.But by not realising,it actually sink deep in our head,and we keep it in our heart everywhere we go.I may not be qualified to preach or teach,those older than I am have gone through more experiences.I'm just speaking my mind,helping if I can.I may not be the best of god's slave,but I try to be as much as I can.

Eddy Outs..

Typical type of people..

2008-08-28T08:14:00.001+08:00

Somehow,everywhere you go,no matter in school,work,or just during attachments,theres these type of people.At least 1 or 2 of them.The type of people who the higher ranking people just adores because they suck up a lot.No matter what you do to prove them that these people are not what they think,it just bites you in the ass back.Seriously,how unfair is that? You work your ass everyday and these people just talk to the boss and BAM! they get their names praised.Sickening,seriously.

Bus ride to IMH gives me a lot of time to think.And also just enough time for me to sleep.There's just something that I need to let go.Like the fact that I'll never get her,or the fact that I'm not ready for another mishap relationship.Somehow,no matter who's there,I'll just go with the flow,except when I'm with her.There's just something about her that makes me melt,makes me a bit off guard.Maybe this crush is not a crush anymore.I just turned it into a major problem.There's no one I can put the blame on except myself.

Thinking back,people can manipulate others to get what they want.Its really sickening.Using someone just to get something for themselves.I learned this yesterday in IMH.No,not thru the patient,but thru one of my attachment mate.It just pissed me off.To think that I could be fooled by his stupid words.Haiz.If it was the patient,I wouldn't be surprise,but my own attachment mate? Sickening,seriously.

Damn,been using these words way to often.

Eddy Outs

A Song Below..

2008-08-26T21:33:00.000+08:00

So having attachments now.6 weeks of miserable no pay attachment.Good thing I have a part time job.But somehow,I constantly see people saving their own ass,no matter in school or at work.1 by 1 they just starts saving their own ass while others suffer and just keep quiet.I don't understand these people.Haiz..

Bit down lately.Somehow,I kinda miss that girl.Now that she's moving to another outlet,kinda makes me sad coz can't really meet her you know.Guess thats how work life is huh.People literally come and go.Good thing I have attachments to keep me busy during the weekdays,and of course work during the weekend.Just wishing that the time pass by faster.

One thing for sure,IMH is one boring place to work.You'll just slack like nobody business.Somehow deep in my heart,I just hope that one person makes the place chaotic.Just so that I have something to do.Evil,I know.But seriously,its the most boring attachment,even worse than during year 1 where we go to Polyclinic and so on.

Maybe,just maybe,asking her out would be nice.

Eddy Outs

In My Mind..

2008-08-24T05:29:00.000+08:00

I don't really know what I want.Somehow I'm too fickle minded.Sure,its better to be loved by someone rather than chasing after someone you love,but is it fair to that person if you don't really have feelings for her? It takes 2 hands to clap,and somehow its not mine who's clapping.The more I think about it,the more I worry.I don't want to be those people who treated me that way.I know how it feels,and I really don't want her to have that kind of feelings.It sucks,seriously.

On the other hand,work somehow gives me something,or rather someone who has always been my eye candy.What can I say,she just have the cute girl face.Kinda makes me think of dating her.But hey,I'm not one to be that open.Yet,as per normal,she don't know anything.Nor does she takes any hint.Oh well,life still moves on right?

Getting myself occupied is kinda good actually.I don't really think much that way.The only thing I always think about would be the problem that arises and the solutions.But somehow,it doesn't get my mind of things that I usually think about.My surroundings are still all the same.Typical things still happens and being busy doesn't help me from not noticing it.Kinda irritating,but bearing with it is the only thing I can do.As much as I like noticing stuff,it really gets on my nerve sometimes.Sickening isn't it.

Eddy Outs..

An Idea That Might Work

2008-08-21T23:12:00.000+08:00

You know,looking around,there are so many things that is interesting about this beautiful country of ours.Plus,watching tv,there is something missing in the Discovery Channel.The documentary of Singapore.It would be cool.Seriously.Imagine this,walking around with the camera and just telling the world about how "cool" our country is.Let me tell you a few stuffs that won't be missed.

1st of all,the one and only country that these kind of animals exist in,the Mats,Minahs,Bengs and Lians! Anywhere and everywhere! You name it,they're there. Like mosquitoes. Just walking with their so-called cool walk,arms flying here and there like they're blind and need to check for walls. One magnificent species of human kind that can only be found in Singapore.

2ndly,the all legendary 8th wonders of the world.Paris have Eifel Tower,California have The Golden Bridge,India have the Taj Mahal,well our country is as good,coz we have the ERP gantry! WOoHoo. You know how people awe and have their mouth open at the Eifel Tower,well,our mouth open too when we see the amount of money we have to pay just by driving under this wonders of the world.So cool isn't it?

3rdly,and the last sneak preview would be,having the best attitude in the world. Well,we all know how Japanese are very respectful to each other and all right,and the Americans are all open minded,well,our country is the same. We have our own typical attitude of Kiasu-ness. You'll see how peopl push each other just to board public transport,queuing up just to get free stuff,how they fight just because of a sale.How wonderful is our beautiful country yea?

Well,catch more of it soon.Once I get a camera,a writer,a cameraman,and well,actors and actreses are not needed since we have a lot of those in our country.Haha.

Eddy Outs.

Its Over..

2008-08-20T20:39:00.000+08:00

Though down with fever,down with flu,down with whatever diseases there are in this world,there's just 1 thing that I can't miss.The last paper for exams.And so,it came and went just like that.With me coming out of the room cursing at every detail of the paper.Literally sickening exams are.Can't believe I came down with fever on the last paper.Forget it,its over.

Somehow,I'm just going with the flow.School,friends and even work.Its like,I stop caring about anything.Maybe due to the things I went through for the past couple years.Weird,but hey,its alright.Nothing to lose at all.And to think that people are making up stories about me.Don't this people have a life? Get a life.Idiots.

Nothing much to update,just not looking forward to 6 weeks of attachment.Plus after the 6 weeks attachment,I'm left with 1 week holidays.So,most probably gonna enjoy the whole week.Don't know go where,but heck,I won't be staying home at all! Sickening.
Thats it,maybe update soon if things come to my mind.

Eddy Outs

Life...

2008-08-17T13:06:00.000+08:00

Looking back,how funny it was during secondary sch days.Hanging out doing stupid stuff,just trying to make trouble for the fun of it.Hanging out with my friends,memories about the past entertained us till 6 in the morning.How we talked and laugh at our stupid moments.It was fun,enjoyable at most.So one topic lead to another,and we came to the thinking.

Will all of those group of friends be the same in 5 years time? Will me and friends be hanging out together in 5 years times and think back about our life? Will we even contact each other in the future? Maybe some will still hang out together like those uncles at the kopitiam,just drinking tea/coffee while talking bout their life.

Thus,from one topic to another.How demanding life is now.Back in secondary we be thinking,it doesn't matter if we fail,just chiong for O'lvl.And now in poly,its just different.There's nothing to look forward to chiong to.You can't just think,ouh,nvm,exam if fail still got time to retake.Sickening seriously this world.Somehow,its way to demanding as you move on.Its too much to the extend that the rich are getting richer,the poor are getting poorer.

You look around,it use to be no money,still can live.Now,its like no money,no life.Use to be having a family is top priority.Now,money is the top priority.Without any money,theres no point of having a family,coz you can't support them.Everywhere you go,money comes first.Transport,house,food etc.Nothing in this world comes without money.Haiz..

Somehow living is much more difficult that dying.Sickening ain't it and yet people are afraid to die.

Eddy Outs.

Rude As They Can Be..

2008-08-14T04:09:00.000+08:00

You know hw public transport can be such a bitch everyday.First of all,it seems that queue-ing up just don't matter anymore.Especially to old brats like the nyonyas and apeks.Sure they say respect your elders and all,and I do.I really do.But that doesn't mean you can just take advantage of it and push me aside just to get into the god damn bus which is full.Not only these old people,even the mid-30s does that.They would just come from out of nowhere and suddenly board the bus without caring about the people who actually bothers to queue up.It really piss me off.
2ndly,when the bus is fucking full,why bother boarding and pushing? Whats the point?? Not only that,but those people who are at the back,if there's a fucking big space,just move in.Give others a chance to board the freaking moving box.It doesn't hurt anyone if you move in and don't talk with your frends during a bus ride.You won't die of loneliness.Sheesh.
To those who are freakingly rude,you can fuck off.Seriously.Stop stepping on peoples leg and pushing people aside.And for god sake,don't press the freaking bell if you're not stopping at the nex bus stop.It'll just waste other peoples time.Haiz.Somehow,Singaporeans are either too kiasu,or just plain freaking rude!

This time around just mostly complains.It really gets on my nerve.Especially students who hog the front part of the bus just becoz their frends are sitting.Sickening,seriously.
Oh yea,Fiq turn 18 today!! Happy Birthday Bro!! Hope you liked the cake! Though it was last mins work,but hope you enjoy it yea!! Finally someone LEGAL!! Still waiting for mine though.Sickening.

Eddy Outs

No Purpose Defined..

2008-08-11T23:20:00.000+08:00

Wondering why people bitch at all? Better word for it is backstabbing each other.Its like whats the point? What do you get by bitching about each other? Does it solve any problems or dispute that you guys have? One thing for sure is,the purpose of talking behind someone's back is called bitching is because that person is a fucking bitch.Am I right? Who cares..

I mean,for god sake,they can be whoever they want to be.These people can do whatever they want to.Yea,sure,maybe you don't like whatever they do,whatever they say.But the fact is,you can't expect everyone to be the same as you.To have the same thinking,to have the same behaviour as you.Most probably these people who listens to you just agree with you because they just couldn't be bothered.I mean c'mon,not everyone feels the same way as you.So my onli question is why bitch at all? You don't have any purpose in it,you can't do anything with it,you're just making sins as you go along,and bottom line is,you just have nothing better to do in life so you make yourself feel better by making people look down on others.

Somehow,I pity these kind of people.They don't want others to look down on their pathetic life,so they look down on others instead.Making up stories as they go along,giving their opinion when not needed.Who are these people to judge others when they themselves have problems of their own? I mean,no one is perfect.This leads to the stupid sentence,"Noone is perfect.I'm Noone." I agree actually.You guys are NOONE.Not one of is somebody in anyone's life.So,don't try to act like your life is so damn perfect and that everyone deserve to be bitched by you.Bottomline is,get a fucking life.

Eddy Outs

Chasing or flowing?

2008-08-11T02:52:00.000+08:00

A constant question many asked me.Would you rather go after someone who you love or would you go for someone who love you? Somehw,things are turning to the point where I rather choose goin with someone you love. Yea sure,maybe you won't have the feelings for her,but who knows,things might turn out better.
Like I've said to my friend,if that person loves you,and who knows you might love her/him back,that'll be a bonus wouldn't it?

Maybe things will work out for the better.Seeing how screwed up my love life been,somehow if the chance come,maybe I'll gor for it.Maybe I won't have the same feelings for her,or things will change and I'll have the same feelings for her.Who knows,things might change.For a pessimist,I'm quite optimist. :D

Haiz.It sucks doesn't it when you think of hw life would be in the future? No more hangin out,no more living a fun life due to all the problems,all the family planning.Time is going way to fast.I just wish one day time will stop for me to catch up and do what ever I want in this world.Learning to surf,parachuting,most of the extreme sports.Den onli will I die a happy man.Who knows,life is so short,I might just die tmr.

Eddy Outs..

Hw Bored Am !?

2008-08-08T11:44:00.000+08:00

Woke up due to the sun shining directly on my face.No wonder I'm turning darker everyday.Didn't know what to do at all.Too lazy to study BCLS.No point since I'm failing everything anyways.But that doesn't mean I'm giving up.Once I studied things might change.:D
Parents went to Malacca already.Left me and my 2nd bro.But I won't enjoy since gonna work today till sunday.Heck,at least I won't be bored at home you know.

Ever heard of tomorrow is a brand new day and all? I guess for me its just bullshit.Sure,its another typical day with different things goin on,but all in all its all the same in the end.Its either you enjoy ur day as usual,or just think its boring and nothing eventful happened.Sure,there will be a day whereby a big event occur and you'll enjoy urself on that day,but the thing is,is it memorable?

Did something occur that make you remember a day like that? So many lines been said,such as you'll never know who migh change your life.Blah3.Eventually no one can really change your life unless it's you yourself.If you want your life to continue the way it is,den it won't change.If you want your life to be something different,I guess its just time to change whatever you're doing.Get a life,do something you enjoy doing instead of making things worse for yourself.

Damn my blog is all messed up.Doesn't matter.

Eddy Outs

Fear Always Come

2008-08-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

As I suspected.Things in my life can never be so easy and the way.Every single time this occurs.Somehow when things gets better,it will just turn to the worse the next moment.Just when you thought the storm was over,here comes the freaking cyclone.Why can't I just lead a life without any freaking problems that make me so fucking low at all times.Just when I thought my life is turning brighter.But NO,it just have to make a turn instead and go back to the fucking dark areas.Can't things in my life just turn for the better.Sickening.

Life goes on in every single way.There's nothing I can do except live this freaking life and die.So far,there was never that really peaceful days in my life.Problems after problems always appears,non-stop.Its like MTV Non-stop Hits onli difference is mine is not a show and they're not even songs.And people wonder hw I can still smile and joke around.Answer is,thats the onli thing I can do to stop my mind from thinking too much about all these craps.

Sickening isn't it.I know there are people out there who have more problems than me.I'm not being self-centered or anything,its just that this is one place where I ge t to let out my mind.Though it will still come back and haunt me,at least I feel a bit better.I realli mean a bit by literally a bit.Till I get over this stupid curse,I won't feel any better.Humour is the onli way I can show,the real me can never come out.

Eddy Outs

Is It Real...

2008-08-06T23:21:00.000+08:00

Weird dreams yesterday.Since its the ghost festival thing,maybe thats the cause of my scary shit dream.Plus to make things worse,was sick.Had high fever and sore throat.Luckily was better after a freaking long rest.Though I woke up with my back aching.Shouldn't have slept in a prawn shape.Haiz..

Still wondering whether things are real or not.Somehow I get the thinking that my mind is playing tricks on me.Showing me things that I would love to see.And all thats been happening are not real.I'm just dreaming all this and the real me is still asleep just waiting for morning to come so that I'll wake up.Hmm..

Weird thing about humans actually.When things are turning up on the bright side,they do not believe it.And when things are getting worse by the second,they just wish it was a dream.Such a typical things amongst human.Yes,I'm typical.Well,actually what I'm trying to say is that somehow we're not always contented to what we have.We look around and we're always not happy with things.I see people sitting down on the bus while others are standing and they complaining bout hw uncomfortable the seats are.I see people complaining about their food and wasting it away while others out there are starving and will give anything for what we have.I guess its time we should be happy with what we got and stop thinking about what we don't have.

Eddy Outs

Here They Come...

2008-08-05T19:28:00.000+08:00

NSL paper made me looked down upon.Stupid lecturer.One thing I wanna point out to everyone,if that person constantly slack and never attend classes,doesn't mean he's stupid or don't know how to any questions.What kind of question is "Finish already? SO fast? Got write anything or not??".Especially from a lecturer.I was kinda ok at ferst but when I think about it,many people kinda look down on me.Yea,sure I never usually study,and I skip classes.But that doesn't mean I DON'T STUDY AT ALL! Get in straight in your head,if I today was the ferst time I studied,hw the hell did I reach Year 2.No,better as,how the hell do I even reached poly.People nowadays.

Ok,those aside.Exams are coming way too fast.And I'm kinda not prepared as usual.Kinda irritating when you know that you don't have any holidays even after your exams.How pathetic is that? Everyone enjoying all they can outside,while you're stuck inside a crappy ward working for free.Its not really fair as we do basically the same job the nurses are doing,yet they get paid.Hw is that fair for us?? At least a few bucks per hour is worth it.Even 10 bucks per hour is nt enough la.Come on,we practically work our asses of like a normal nurse,at least give us pay.Don't give us the crap of getting a bond and all.Its not worth it and you guys know it.Plus they do not take everybody,so why even bother.Yea,sure we get a large sum of money every month,but hey,be fair to those who do not get any money at all.Thats all I'm saying,at least PAY US!!

Sometimes I wonder if things are there just to taunt me.For once in my life,I just want everyone around me to tell what is it that they want.I had enough of playing games and figuring things out on my own.It really gets irritating when the answers you get are wrong and made things worse.Sickening,seriously.Things just doesn't go the way you want it do they.Haiz..

Eddy Outs

Way Too Fast

2008-08-03T14:42:00.000+08:00

Looking back at my past,it suddenly hits me.Everything happened in a blink of an eye.Primary,secondary,and nw poly.Soon enough it'll be my graduation and I'm out working and waiting to serve NS.Sickening.As usual,was in the bus when this thought came.Am I ready for the future? Bloody hell,I'm already in year 2 and I'm still like this.The future holds to much,NS,working life,marriage (though I'm kinda hoping it'll wait)and more problems with money.

Looking around,I really hope to live somewhere else.The standard of living here is just too high for me.Use to be very easy without all these ERP system and tax and blah3.Now its all about the money.You can't live anywhere without money in this country.Plus things are gettin so expensive around here.Use to be $10 was a lot of money for students.Now,$10 is nothing much,sometimes it may even be not enough.Haiz.

Kind of depressing staying here.Even taking public transport can be depressing.Though now that I've gotten my student ezlink back,so,kinda enjoying the concession.Haha.Work has been fun.Now that Shafiq is working with me.Tired as usual,but hey,every single work is tired.Its just a matter of worth it or nt.All in all,doing great!

Eddy Outs

Things You Don't Expect

2008-07-31T20:30:00.000+08:00

As usual,I sit in the bus.No,nothing actually came to my head.Coz I fell asleep.Dunnoe why but today I seem to be so lethargic.Maybe because of little sleep.I don't really know.Even Helen came and asked me why I looked so tired.Sry maam,I can't answer that question because I don't even know.Weird.Out of all the days,thursday is the day I get so freaking tired that my body actually ache.And NO,i'm not pregnant.Sheesh.

Things are the same old same old.Nothing actually change,just that I somehow realised hw I've wasted my time not getting to know my classmates.They are realli superb.Especially Abg Zul.He just know me this year and he even treat me.And the projects that they did,I wasn't part of it,but because I didn't have any group,they place me in theirs.I realli appreciate it guys.Seriously,eventhough I don't realli show it,I realli do.

Sometimes,when you think about it.Things happen when you don't expect it.And those stuff that happens are what you don't expect.I wonder why.When I think back,somehow some things are meant to be.If you're realli hoping for an answer for you questions,it will appear.One way or another especially when you least expect it.Maybe its a sign that we're not alone in this world.No matter hw mashed or wrecked up ur life is,He is watching us,guiding and helping when we need it.

Eddy Outs

Things Could Be Worse

2008-07-30T21:45:00.001+08:00

Learned a few things in life.Things can always be worse.But at this point of time,it doesn't matter does it? Nothing seems to be the way it normally is.Maybe I've change,for better or for the worse,only others know.All I know now is that I've change.
If somehow,I've change to the worse,then I apologise,If I change for the better,than thats great ryte?

Mistakes happens all the time,and I made the worse.I admit,but if I could control this heart,it wouldn't happen.I know I've said that I won't turn back time even if I could.Right now,even when this happened,I still won't.No matter how much that mistakes cost me.I learn from mistakes,and yea,I've lost people who I care,but hey,real friends stays and help not fade away.I'm not implying anything here,I'm just saying generally.Don't take it personally.

Life has always been a bitch.No matter hw you try to fix it,things still happen.Maybe not the same way,maybe not the same time.But if you sit down and think back,its always a loop.The mistakes you did will happen again onli a different way.A different scenario.Its not that we've nvr learned,its just that it happened for a reason.Maybe to remind you,maybe to show hw many possible ways it could occur.Its nature just like eating,no matter hw you try,you can't restraint yourself from making mistakes,nor can you restraint yourself from eating.Its the same thing.Not literally.

Things happen can never be un-done.No matter what you do,it still occured.All that you can do is accept it and move on.But always remember to apologise.No matter what,even if people do not accept it,its the only thing you could do.You can't turn back time,its gods will.I'm not trying to preach nor trying to teach,its just that things have been goin way to fast for me.Things are piling up,day by day.I still have to face it,sooner or later.And right now,I'm facing it one by one.No more waiting,no more running.

Like I've said,I've change.For the better,maybe for the worse.

Eddy Outs..

To Think You Could Even Think That Way

2008-07-30T20:03:00.000+08:00

As suspected.You want to know the whole truth,here it is.

That night,I wasn't even thinking of playing you nor was I even thinking of hurting you.What I've said,I meant it.You know it yourself,you know that I'm not the type to play behind you back.I wasn't planning to make a fool of you,I was just saying what I feel.Yea sure,at that point of time,I do have feelings for her,but I didn't say it becoz I'm afraid of exactly this.For god's sake,you knw me better than the rest,and to think you could even think that way really disgust me.To tell you the truth,I had to lie becoz I dun want this to happen,since it already occured due to my fucking drunkness,I'll tell you everything now.

Yea sure,I lied to you,but hey,its not like you didn't lie to me.Everybody lie to each other.I've told you before,somethings are meant to be a secret.When she replied that msg,I was quite shocked.I didn't realise what I did and I didn't have the fucking guts to tell you.I know hw you would react and I know this would happen.You could say that you won't react the way you are right now,but you will.The least you could do was come ask me what happened before jumping to any conclusion.But no,you chose this path.Yea sure,I made a fucking huge mistakes.And you dun even fucking know hw fucking worried I was on that day you came late.You can ask her yourself,I regreted encouragin you.And its not because of the reason you think that I encouraged you.

I didnt say anything about my feelings exactly because of this reason.And all I can do right now is apologise,whether u accept it or not,I do not know.You chose your path and I've chosen mine.All I'm saying is,the least you could do is not make things awkward for the rest.

Eddy Outs

To Think Or Not To Think..

2008-07-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

And so it comes back to this.Thinking is the only way I can analyze things.Yet,somehow even when I let my mind wanders around,it will get into the thinking section.Sickening yet somehow it makes me grow more mature.Get answers to every questions I have.Get a solution to every problem I've got and maybe get.Sometimes I just wish I don't think too much.Just go with the flow with life.Accept things for what they are and not have any questions.Haiz..

Bus ride to school got me thinking.(Again!)So what if I got the courage to find someone who'll be there,accept me for who I am,and be the person that's perfect for me.Will I lead a happy life or will things just be another loop? And somehow the answer came to me.Why bother with what's gonna happen in the future? If its meant to be den so be it.If she cheats or lie so be it.Don't bother and just move on.

And one thing leads to another.Somehow nowadays I dun really bother with anything.In my head,there's just me and those who want my help.If people go around talking behind my back,den so be it.It doesn't matter,nothing will change.If people don't want me around,then so be it,I can go around alone.Its not like I'm desperate for anything.Its poly life.People come,people go.Its all whether its meant to be or nt.

I guess working really changed me.I dun realli hang out with anyone,other than my secondary schmates.Its true hw secondary schmates stays,the rest of our friends actually come and go.Guess they are what we call true friends.Thx Fiq!

Eddy Outs

Nothing New..

2008-07-28T21:25:00.000+08:00

Went Bugis yesterday to hand in my schedule for work.Thought wanted to ask Safie along,but then he pangsey me,so in the end I called Fiq.Well,I guess its his luck coz I recommended him to Mummy and he got the job on the spot.Haha.Here's was what happened at Bugis.

Reached there and I told Fiq to wait outside ferst.So I went to talk to Mummy and put in my schedule.Den ask her if still got space,so she say have.Like Obviously.So while Fiq filled up the application form,I went to order waffle for my brother.But then Mummy look at me like I'm goin crazy.She den say: "Go make yourself la.No need to buy wat.You know hw to make alrdy." LOLS.So,I got the luxury of eating free waffles.Haha.
So while doin waffle,my friends all started bugging me to make for them waffle.=_="
Not working still need to do waffle for them.Haiyo.Haha.After making my waffle,I asked my friend take pick up.She asked which table,so I told her 45 since Fiq sitting there.
Funny part is that both of them blur2.Fiq scared to death coz he nvr order anything.Then the gurl also dumb2 thought wrong table.Hahaha.I was laughing my ass off sia.Fun to disturb ppl.Lols.
So this week,Fiq gonna work with me.I requested he partner with me so I can teach him.The rest next time then I teach.Haha.

Another day passed without any regrets of my decision.I took my path and they took theirs.It actually give me more free time and get closer with my classmates.Plus I spend lesser.Haha.Like I've said to many ppl,1 frend gone,5 would come.And its kinda true.People come,people go.Thats life.

Eddy Outs

She's Cute..

2008-07-27T15:12:00.000+08:00

Fucking tired after work.Friday was okay,ended at 2 and reached home at 330,so had onli about 6hrs sleep,which is enough if my legs were nt aching.Den back to work at 12 ytd.Thought end at 11,den Makcik say Cine not enough people,so go there and work till 4 am just now.Had a good sleep,dreaming bout that gurl.Haha.
She's is kinda cute yet irritating.Everytime act cute.Working with her is fun.Heck,the people at Bugis are all fun.Haha

Next..

So I kinda get the fucking point now.I'm not part of the group,wait.Heck,I wasn't since a long time ago right.Even when I'm there,its not like I exist.As I've said,I get the fucking point.I'm not wanted.So be it.Whats the fucking reason,I dun know.And if you're who you've said before,the least you could do is explain.But hey,I'm not one to wait nor bother.Right now I've got other things to worry about.

After a long pause...

Ok.Cleared things out of my system.I didn't know taking the bus could be depressing you knw.Especially if you're using adult fair.Bloody hell things are getting to expensive in Singapore.Haiz

Eddy Outs..

Willow Crazy,Witchcraft Addict

2008-07-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

Been watching Buffy too much now.Willow is just so cute,I think I'm addicted to her.Weird thing to be addicted to.She doesn't even exist,though Alyson Hannigan does.Maybe I am crazy.O wells,at least it doesn't hurt me.Since this addiction,been researching some stuff on witchcraft.Kinda interesting.Kinda weird too.Seems fun though.

People come,people go.Thats hw life is.And I come to the point where it doesn't reali affect me much.So what if I'm a loner,so what if I go places alone.At least it doesn't bother anybody nor trouble them.Plus,give me time to think and all.Like I've said,I live my life in shadow.No one notice me,and the day past.Pathetic? Yes,it is.Lonely? Yes,kinda is.But,truth is,its my place and hw I am.Accept it.I do.Dun accept,den too bad.

Bus rides are the weirdest place to have deep thoughts.Yet,I do.Trees,buildings,cars passing by,give me thoughts.Deep thinking that I dun even know hw to explain.Maybe I'm just weird the way I am.I am what I am.

Eddy Outs

Song Running in My Head

2008-07-23T20:00:00.000+08:00

I'm Under Your Spell

I lived my life in shadow
Never the sun on my face
It didn't seem so sad, though
I figured that was my place
Now I'm bathed in light
Something just isn't right

I'm under your spell
How else could it be
Anyone would notice me?
It's magic, I can tell
How you set me free
Brought me out so easily

I saw a world enchanted
Spirits and charms in the air
I always took for granted
I was the only one there
But your power's shown
Brighter than any of I've known.

I'm under your spell
Nothing I can do
You just took my soul with you
You worked your charms so well
Finally, I knew
Everything I dreamed was true
You make me believe!

Ahhhh, ahhh, ahhh.

The moon to the tide
I can feel you inside
I'm under your spell
Surging like the sea
Wanting you so helplessly
I break with every swell
Lost in ecstasy
Spread beneath my willow tree
You make me complete!
You make me complete
You make me complete
You make me...

Closed Eyes,Closed Hearts

2008-07-23T19:52:00.000+08:00

So its true then.I thought I would be proven wrong,maybe it was just me,just maybe what I assumed was wrong,that things were not the way I thought it is.Yet,once again,I'm right.Been a few days now,nothing has yet to change.People come,people go.I just didn't expect that person to go.Am back to square one,again and again and again.For fuck sake,I'm sick of this shit.The loops goes on and on and on.Is there no fucking ending to this shit?

Heck,I'm better off like this.Not denying that.Can focus more on my studies,more on my practises.Only Zara knows.Haha.Maybe I can change things by doin this you know.Damn tv shows can realli influence you.Irritating but who cares,I'm somehow interested in it since long ago.Who knows,I might just make it. =D

So much things goin on.And I guess I'm just going through the motion.Going with the flow,not making much of whats happening.Exams are coming so fast,then theres the bloody attachments,and I just dunno where I'm headed to.Guess thats the price you have to pay for going with the flow.Well,at least its better than being totally lost.If onli I know whats my purpose.Heck,if only everybody knows their purposes,no one will go through with all this craps.

Eddy Outs

Things around me,Not known at all

2008-07-20T01:18:00.001+08:00

I just dun understand.If there's something wrong,why nt just get it straight from me? I'm not the type to open up about stuff,but when someone approach me with something,yea sure,I'll open up.There's no need to show ignorance.Maybe I did something you can't accept,so tell me.People make mistakes,theres no need to show all this things.

Been tired after work,been losing weight,been losing appetite to eat,and somehow now,been losing friends.I dun know why,I dun intend to find out.Like I've said,if I'm not welcome,I'll gladly leave.Maybe I'm overeacting,maybe I'm not.Maybe its just the way I am,maybe you can't deal with it.Maybe bottling up is all I can do since there are few people that I realli trust.Maybe,just maybe.

Heck.Somehow working made me think more than usual.It kinda change me a bit.I tend to talk to people more.But there was this cute gurl,my eye-candy.Didnt get the chance to get her name since I onli talk to her at the end of my shift.Wasted,but hey,who knws,I might see her again.Fate is something I lack off,but there is something called wishing.Thats all I can do now.My life is just full of wishes,non granted so far.

Good thing not working tmr,or else I will be half dead.I rather be dead actually.No need to face all these things thats coming.The one person I can turn to is quite busy with his life.Though there are many that I can talk to,I can't seem to get the chance.So,in conclusion,my life sucks.Enjoy laughing at me while you still can.

Eddy Outs..

Losing My Mind

2008-07-17T21:35:00.000+08:00

Somehow I seem to be a loner.No one seems to care where I go.Even when I disappear,none will questions.Well,except the lecturers anyways.Sickening they are.Somehow I feel like I'm invisible and I dun realli mind.I live my life in shadow,never the sun on my face.It didnt seem so sad though,I figured that was my place.And I seem to be hook on to Willow Rosenberg in the tv series Buffy. She's cute and hot no matter what people say ok.
Nothing much to update recently.Since updated yesterday,so still the same old same old. Though my ppd getting low,so nid to top up asap.But somehow I don't bother already coz no one actually calls me.Seldom anyone msgs me so kinda good coz can save up my pocket money.
So much things coming up.I just wish I can turn to someone just to talk to.Since not in the same class as Zara,things are quite hard now.Not that I totally depend on her,though sometimes I do,its just that I kinda miss someone who can realli help me out.Honestly,I tink I'm gettin more and more depress.One by one they turn from me,I guess my friends can't face the cold.Why I froze,not one among them knows,and never can be told.
Haiz..

Eddy Outs.

Sickening Life Is,I'm Leaving

2008-07-16T23:40:00.000+08:00

Somehow,she realli made my day. Just by saying those few words through MSN,it kinda makes me feel better. All the stuff thats been goin on,somehow makes me too tired to care. Parents naggin,friends ditching,all I do is just say ok,and move on,not bothering to care what happen.Sometimes I don't even bother to reply.But a few minutes back,what she said,it kinda make me smile till now.While typing this blog,for not apparent reason,I'm still smilling.If you realli knw me,you'll knw I rarely smile.So,realli big thanks to LiLing.:D

Life is sickening.Seriously.I don't even know why I bother to continue.Each time some random couple walk pass,its just so depressing you knw.Yea,I got over her long time back,but I somehow want to get that feeling back.The passion for someone.The feeling of being loved by someone.And its getting sickening every single day.Did a survey just now in skewl about coping with depression or something like that.And I answered everything according to what I feel.And somehow,I read back the questions,I'm quite a depressing person.

I try not to affect people around me.Fake smiles flies all over.Laughter just appear after lame jokes.Disturbing ppl,making them irritated so that they'll notice I exist.Even some days,I just feel invisible.Even in my own house.Parents would ask where I am eventhough I'm inside my room just staring blankly out the window.Sometimes I just wish my bedroom door could be lock.No one can come in and see what I'm doing.Who knws,I might even kill myself.

Eddy Outs..

Sleeping between trucks thinking of you..

2008-07-15T20:35:00.001+08:00

Staring out the window in the bus,it got me thinking. I'm far from those I'm close to. Somehow I unconsciously avoid them,not wanting to let them knw who I realli am. What I do and what I say,somehow its being controled.Telling them things thats just on the surface,not those I realli feel. I dunnoe why I do it,I dunnoe whats causing this.

Maybe its because of what I've went through all this years. Every single time I trust someone,they backstab me.And I wouldn't be surprise if there are people backstabbing me rite now.I may not be likeable,I may not be someone you'll get close too just by saying hi,but that does not give anyone the right to backstab me.It happened to me millions of times,and maybe thats the reason why I dun want to get too close to someone.

Enough is enough. Seriously,I had enough with shit happening to my life.Every single day,every single time! Will there ever be a day where things will go the way I want it to be.Maybe it onli happen in movies but at least,though the minimal chances,just once I wish it would happen. Somehow I'm walking around shits. Everywhere I go I'll just step on shit.Sickening it is.Haiz..

Eddy Outs..

Sleepyness Sucks...

2008-07-14T21:21:00.000+08:00

Back again to update properly now.Especially after I had more rest than yesterday.Hmm,so where shall I start? Nvm,i've updated the most important stuff thats been goin on anyways.

Had NSL prac today.Fucking bitch gave me 25 becoz she thought that I teach the students wrong stuff.And somehow my presenting skills is not up to standard.Even those who were with were shock as they expected me to get quite a high mark.Wasted my fucking effort on that.
Sleep on stage gave me red eyes.Woken up by noisy year 1's and Adilah for calling me.Lucky she called,or else I tink I'll be sleeping till tmr.That was how tired I was k.

Dota made me and Ayus depressed coz after 2 mths of not playing,we totally sucks!!!O well,not a dota freak anyways.Had fun though we got our ass kick. Finally have a life where I get to blog and msn. Work realli makes me think I have no life. Though there are pretty chio girls down there. Haha.

Thoughts for the day...
Yesterday wedding made me wonder if I'll ever meet that someone.My cousin met her husband 5 years ago,and they were together for 4 years.Thats damn long.And seeing my past relationships,will I ever get that far? Most probably I'll die before getting there.Seriously,I dunnoe whether I'll ever get married. Too depressing life is,that I just don't bother anymore.Pathetic isn't it..
The last rejection just got my morale down.No more please.I don't think I can handle it.Even this I can't handle,what would be next.Haiz..

Work,Wedding,Who's Line is it Anyway...

2008-07-13T19:33:00.000+08:00

Just got back from cousin wedding.It was grest.All those hoo-hahs about the bride and the groom.Doesn't matter to me,but what made it great was the CREAM PUFFS!! Haha. Serious shit its damn nice.Basically all I did was become a waiter for some people,running around to take water. And part-time photgrapher for snap shots.Had fun catching up with my cousins.One of my cousin actually ask what I'm doin for now. So I told her, Full-time Nurse,Part=time waiter and Part-time photographer. Haha
At around 5 people started leaving already.So my uncle syco me go karaoke. =_="
So in the end duet with my cousin,Salmi. Lols.I cocked up the song.Her voice damn nice sia. O wells,resting time is after I finish up my presentation.

Eddy Outs..

Busy Life Leads to Fishballs..

2008-07-12T13:23:00.001+08:00

Been busy lately,school and work after that. But its been fun. People there are friendly and very fun to hang out with. Plus free food and drinks,so its all good. Tiring nights leads to goodnyte sleep. Yet leading to weird dreams.Tried waffles at shokudo and damn its nice.Especially with Cookies and Cream ice cream!! Cineleisure seems better during weekdays,yet weekends are crazy hoes.Plus nowadays keep goin Bugis,so yea.

Somehow I'm using work as an excuse to just avoid her. Maybe,maybe not. I dunnoe,but all this while being busy,it kinda make me miss her.Haiz..
Too tired to think too much. Gonna go wedding later on and straight to work. Sickening. Though its fun but weekend sucks! Too many people seem to have no home! For god's sake,go home by 11.Suffering succatash!

Eddy Outs

Shadow Proclaimation..

2008-07-06T21:36:00.000+08:00

The words seemed to be all blurred.Maybe I was too high to know what I'd said,but I know I meant every word I said.And ryte now,I'm in denial,hoping that its not true.Angry,at myself for being so dumb.Bargaining,just saying to myself that it was just a dream.Depress,as usual like I am but at this point,I'm just feeling so low,nothing seem to be making me feel better.

I've said before,another rejection and there goes everything.Somehow I'm just so down that even watching Friends seems dull.Haiz..
I guess I have nothing more to be said.

Eddy Outs..

Wonder Why I'm Awake

2008-07-05T04:30:00.000+08:00

Staying up all night,it kept me wondering.What my mum said was kinda correct.Somehow I avoid being close with her.And I thought bout it,I guess I go the answer.
Somehow,I'm afraid of what she say.She keeps naggin about me goin out and all,and the more she nags,the more I go out,hang out till late at night.Maybe becoz she nags at me and notice me,but most of all,the reason is becoz staying at home is just plain boring.And every single time I'm free,she'll make me be busy.Running errands for her,sending stuff,goin shops,the usual stuff.Since I'm in primary skewl,I kept doing all those stuff,and I guess I had enough.I don't want to stay home and rot,I too want to go out and hang out with my friends,just have fun.
I guess its too much now.Seems like I keep goin out every single day.But I can't help it,theres nothing to do at home.Even when she's at home,I'll be staying in my room,mind ing my own business.Doing the usual stuff,just staring at the comp and wasting my time.Haiz,sorry mom,but thats the way I am.I'm not good at socializing,even with you,its kinda hard for me to open up.There are many things you wouldn't understand coz you're still stuck with the thinking that I can't take care of myself.

And so I think again.Why do I fall in love with the wrong people? Ayus asked me this question: What type of girlfriend do I want?
Honestly,I just want someone that loves me for who I am.Someone that I can spoil,and just pamper yet not step over my head.As usual,the 3 charecteristic must be there. Loving,Understanding and Caring.And somehow,looking at my past,its hard to get that type of person. Now that I fell for someone,I don't really know whether it will happen. Maybe coz I'm afraid that history would repeat again and again. I don't want to be the type thats just flirt around without having someone that I really love and care for.Yes,I admit,I do flirt around,but when it comes to that particular person,things are different.There are variables that I need to think about. I don't really know how to explain it.Its just with this particular person,I'm all nervous and afraid to talk to her. Maybe coz I fall in love again and it kinda hurts me that she don't notice.Its depressing realli.My life is just too pathetic.

Haiz..
Eddy Outs..

Bored,Pissed,Happy,Pissed,Relax...

2008-07-04T18:30:00.001+08:00

4 different feelings in one day.I dont really know about night time,but most probably happy i guess. So a whole day of shopping can really show how many feelings that person has.So first bored due to the levi's warehouse sale,coz it totally sucks big time.Pissed coz of what mum said,for god's sake,most of the black shirts I buy is using my own money.Happy coz went to Expo instead to shop,and got all the stuff I want.
But Ayus,we still need to go Cotton's On!! Haha,yet still pissed after that coz of mum again.But now relax already since at home,and just chattin with Ayus.

So yea,why the fuck call me when you just need fucking help? You think I'm gonna be bothered? Cmon la,look in the mirror,and think of what you've done to me.You still dare to ask help from me like nothing had happened? I won't be bothered,plus I got her to think about and help. I dun need another person who's from the past to destroy it.And no,I dun wanna care what you need. Lets make things clear here,you chose your own path,and I've taken mine,so GET LOST!!

Eddy Outs..

Another Month Pass Us By,,,

2008-07-04T10:15:00.000+08:00

Been hectic yesterday.Went to physio and rush to ICA building just to make my stupid IC.Yet,had fun due to Ayu accompanying me.So had a very late lunch at Beach Road.Mutton chop made us happy! Walked around Bugis and talking like there's no tomorrow.Today most probably gonna go shopping,so yea,could be fun. Hopefully.

Somehow I kinda get a point.You're just avoiding me,and I'm somehow of an outlaw to you.Not welcomed nor invited st all.Guess its clear to me now. If thats the way it is,then fine,why bother ryte? There are many people out there,eventhough I'm not realli good at socializing,bt there are many people out there. Ryte now,I just couldn't be bothered. Somehow just goin out with Ayus,Black and Hirzi is far more enjoyable than goin out with others.

So yea,I got you're point,so don't bother asking msging me or calling me. I don't need to be someone's last resort. Heck,i deserve far better than this type of treatment.

Eddy Outs..

All Downhill From Here..

2008-07-02T10:27:00.000+08:00

Finally got a job.Thanks to ayus of course. :D Gonna start work next week with her at Japanese Pasta and Cuisine. Kinda cool place,got a lot of nice ppl around.Those that can realli joke around with.Who knows,after a whole month of chiong-ing for work,can settle all my debts with brother.And then there goes the ROADTRIP! Hopefully works though.

Finally after about 5 days of nt sleeping well,had a great sleep yesterday.Maybe coz too tired already. But yet I had a weird dream. I don't realli remember the dream bt I knw its weird causing me to wake up at 1030am.Sickening.

Hmm,somehow it came to a point where its obvious that her feelings will never be the same as mine. Although I didnt say anything or explain everything,its kinda obvious.She won't bother contacting me unless I'm the last resort. And even when I try to contact her,there won't be any replies. Kinda got the point,and yea,maybe moving on seems easier this way. Guess it won't matter anymore.My heart seems to be emotionless already. Haiz..

Eddy Outs..

Do I think to much...

2008-06-30T13:04:00.000+08:00

Boredom really strikes during the weekdays.Everyone started school and all.Others working while the rest just prefer to hang out with their other friends.So I stay at hom just rotting away,hoping that the pass by much more quicker and school just reopens again.Plus,staying home with some crazy lunatic sometimes can be a deathwish.Especially with my wound.Haiz..

Sometimes,I think too highly of her.Always saying she's this,and she's that,but the truth is,it all means nothing.She's onli there to taunt me in my sleep,haunting every inch of me.And I stand there wishing that it's all over.Hoping that without me saying anything,she'll know and make the move.Guts is something I'm short of right now.After all my past relationships,I'm just afraid,scared even shivering due to the fright of getting rejection.I told Ayus before,I don't think I can stand another heartbreak.Thus,the reasons I keep things to myself.Better to be this way than end up with a broken heart and emotionless.

I try not to think about this burden I have.Just let it go and things will be okay.Words that I myself don't actually believe.And I stay home just wondering what I should do.The more I think about it,the more I fall.Its like a pit of nothingness.No endings,no bottom.Just continue falling and falling till the point of no return.And when I thought I've reached my goal,I hit the ground.Thats how I feel.Haiz..

Eddy Outs..

How Cheap Can These People Be..

2008-06-26T21:41:00.001+08:00

Was in the bus just now,heading back home from Causeway Point.Me and Hirzi were just talking and all,when I noticed these 2 kids ryte.One was trying to get his friends to give him a Mentos sweet while the other saying no more already.Like I said,how cheap can these people be ryte.Even for a sweet they don't wanna share.The worse part is,parents being so cheap to their children.

The best example is: MY PARENTS!!!
As I posted the other time,I lost my wallet and all ryte.So logically I lost my IC and Ez-link card.So I have to use my mom's ezlink card which is adult fare.And NOWADAYS,bus fare and all are not fucking cheap.Its like within 3 days 10 bucks can be gone la.And when I asked my dad for money to top up,he says "Must I top-up for u every single time??". I'm like wtf??? When I go out I don't fucking ask you for money,when I buy stuff I don't fucking ask you money.Just for transport u wanna make a big fuss?

Let me tell you how fucking cheap my dad can be.He expects me to buy new shoes that cost less than 80 bucks.Pants that are like 2 for 10 bucks.Basically anything that is cheap.The best part is,when I told him I have physiotherapy tomorrow,he scold me.Saying how many therapies you got?!Let me emphasize on the exclaimation mark.

How am I suppose to know dad??!! I DIDNT WANT MY FUCKING HANDS TO BE BROKEN AND I DIDNT ASK TO GO TO THE HOPSITAL AND I DIDNT FUCKING ASK TO GO TO A FUCKING PHYSIOTHERAPY!!!WTF MORE YOU WANT??!!!

Tell you something dad,its 2008! Everything is way more expensive then during your time.And money can't be brought to ur graveyard.So for god's sake,don't be fucking cheap!

When Boredom Strikes...

2008-06-25T12:20:00.000+08:00

Sitting at home,just staring at the comp,wondering when will anyone ask me out,it sucks you know.How pathetic can my life be? I realli need to get a job. Damn hand keep me from getting a job. Realli can't wait for it to heal.Once healed,can go find work,and at least got cash around,so can pay off my brother.Haiz..sickening..

To think that this feelings would disappear,vanish or just go *poof*.Guess I'm turning more and more pathetic.This feeling inside just grows deeper and deeper.Even just by seeing that someone for a few minutes,it made me smile and think of her for the rest of the day.And I'm saying to myself that I could forget her? Haiz.
Thinking back,there were many other girls out there,there were many other people that I could have feelings for,and somehow I got attracted to her.Why must cupid be so dumb to make me fall for someone I'll never get? Is it a test or a way to make me breakdown even worse than I did before??
Either way,it will make me feel worse than what I'm feeling right now.Maybe my life was meant to be like this.Can't grab hold of anything just because there's a wall in front of me.It always happen,might as well accept it.

Eddy Outs..

Disconnected..

2008-06-22T18:20:00.000+08:00

Somehow every single time I'm out of my house,with my sch friends or even my close friends,there's this feeling of disconnection.Its like as if I don't even exist there.Everything that they talk about is something that I don't even know happened.And there's just some things that I don't understand.It seems that I'm somehow not wanted with the people who I hang out with.I just get the thinking that if that's the case,then why bother contacting and continue hanging out with them.I can just go my own way,but somehow I go back to where I started.

Its really sickening seriously.When we're walking or anything,I'll be the one left out of stuff.I'll just keep quiet,coz somehow,the conversation doesn't involve me,so why bother.But the feeling is still there.Even when there's something related to me,once I say something,some people would just change the topic.Even when walking somehow I'll either be in front or at the back walking alone.Am I that fucking ugly or am I just a fucking ghost?

Fuck this shit..

Bottle It Up,Crushed It In

2008-06-19T08:50:00.000+08:00

Been awake since ytd,can't really slept due to some people asking me out at the wrong time.Good thing had a nap ytd afternoon.Yet its kinda weird,I don't remember some part of the day.Remembered the appointment at TTSH,den I tink I fell asleep or something,bt I woke up at home.Guess he's back..Haiz..

Been telling Ayus about it since she's the onli person I trust to tell this too.And yes,other than her,there are ppl who knew,but I didn't tell Black.Weird..
Maybe its true,maybe I've been bottling up things.All the anger,sadness,depression,maybe even denial.But consciously I don't feel anything.I laugh and all,trying my hardest to be happy,yet emptyness is still there.I realli don't know what to do with myself.And dun even try to ask me go psychiatrist,I had enough of them.2 years of appointments were more than enough.

Maybe all these feelings are just psychological.It doesn't exist in reality.Its just my personality,nt being use to having so much fun.I guess thats it,bt it still doesn't explain why he come back now.So far nothing bad happened,I think.Its just so complicated.I want a simple life yet nothing seems so easy.Haiz..

The higher I climb,the harder I'll fall.
The harder I fall,the more I'm hurt.
Thats the reason its all bottled up.

Eddy Outs

Wishing Things Change..

2008-06-17T20:02:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered if things were different than what it is now? Like taking a different path instead of what you took now.Or even thinking what would happen if you didn't make the mistakes you did in the past? What if thinks were different and all that you wanted actually happened.Maybe the girl you fell for will actually be with you if you had taken a different path.

Sometimes,I feel like all these things that I've done is alrdy planned.Its like I'm just a puppet.Live,do all this and die happily.So it kinda hit me,what if I did differently? What if the choices that I had was different? What if I pick the other 1 instead of what I had picked? Will things be different? Will I be a different person than I am now? I guess this are questions that can never be answered.

Yet,even if I was given the choice to turn back time and undo all the mistakes,I wouldn't.All those mistakes are what made me the person I am.And what if things changes and the people around me are totally different? There goes all the people I care and love.That would totally sucks.The people around me are worth more than undoing my mistakes.

Eddy Outs..

Agreable That Girls Can't Keep Promises..

2008-06-16T21:22:00.001+08:00

Nothing much to do,so updating this blog.Ppl's blog are all going dead alrdy.Sianz
Random thoughts in my head.Juz read the title,u'll know.

As I've said in my previous post,nvr make a promise you can't keep.But yet,it's agreable that girls really can't keep promises.Most of them anyways.Its true.Honestly,show me a girl that never break a promise before? And its for some stupid reason too.Been there,done that,got the t-shirt.Somehow I'm getting sick with ppl,mostly girls though,making promises and yet nt keeping it.Sick and tired of all this to the limit that I dun even want to hear another girl say the word "I promise..".
Coz honestly,its juz some lame ass bullshit that they say to make someone have high hopes.And that give them the self-esteem coz they are the ones who's gonna crash it down.

Enough of my rattle.Maybe a bit pissed I guess.

Eddy Outs..

Words Are Weapons...

2008-06-15T14:41:00.001+08:00

Sittin down staring at the comp,a question kinda appears in my head.What do are people thinking when they say the words they don't mean? Is it just to make others feel happier? Feel glad that there's someone out there who at least care and make a promise to them? Yet,somehow they don't hold up their end of the bargain.

For example,you ask someone out,saying that you miss them,yada yada yada,yet when the day comes,there's nothing.Not even a single contact from that person.And somehow,even before she/he says that they wanna meet,you alrdy knw what to expect.Its kinda weird actually.You knw they won't keep their words,and you kinda not surprised when it actually happen,yet there's that feeling inside of you,maybe felt betrayed,or kinda left out.

In my case,I just don't understand.Yea,sure,feel kinda pissed,bt the most questionable of all is why bother saying all that ryte? Why even bother to ask people out if they knw that they won't be coming? Why give others the hope that there's a plan,so your day won't be boring after all? What do they get by doin these stuff? What is it that they want? Is it the feeling whereby people start calling them,making them feel wanted? Is it the feeling of "ouh,they called me!! I must be very important to them." ?? I just don't get it.

The best part is,they always give stupid reasons. "ouh,sry2,I can't make it arh.Tired,sleepy and all those bullshits." Yea,kinda pissed me off sometimes. I learned quite a few things when I grew up,and one of them is don't make a promise that you can't keep. Well in this case,don't ask ppl out if you won't be coming. Its simple as that yet they make it so complicated,even worse than quantum physics.

Humans...Annoying as they can be,I'm one of them..

Eddy Outs..

To JEMAINE!!!

2008-06-14T23:44:00.000+08:00

Here's an update.Coz Jemaine force me to update.Lucky there's nothing to do.
Life been great,despite my aching hand and itchy stitch wound.Haiz.
Nth much to update actually,so here's a random thought.

Why do people take things for granted? Its like they have someone who would die for them at any point of time so that they would be happy,but they just don't notice that person and take advantage of them. Maybe its a typical human behaviour,I'm not one of the best god's slave and I do sometimes take advantage of ppl,but not the extend where the person kinda become a dog u knw. I'm not one to preach or lecture,but at least some ppl out there realize this u knw.

So yea,random thoughts,happy now Jemaine??
Haha

Eddy/Fred Outs

Metacarpal,heal NOW!

2008-06-11T23:50:00.000+08:00

Warded on saturday due to crushed metacarpal.So,had surgery which I woke up halfway during procedure,good thing hand numb. Ytd discharge,yet went out to meet Ayus,Jovi,Adilah and Jemaine.Kinda miz them all actually.Hand aching even when not moving,so doing quite great.

Somehw,after getting warded,I noticed something very weird.I'm smilling more than usual,yet I still keep quiet when I'm thinking.I realised one thing though,I'm looking at her even more than usual,maybe tryin to hint subconsciously.But I don't think its gonna work out.But hey,I'm happy now,so things are turning better.I hope.Still having doubts in my head.Who doesn't?

Eddy Outs..
Aching hand,not good for typing,Leads to bleeding of stitch wound..

Why me...

2008-06-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

Somehow shit just happens to me ryte.I walk around and stepped on dog shit and ryte after I wash it ryte,somehow the dog shit will always be stepped on.So yea,shit just happens,but onli to me.
So a wallet lost is juz not enough,the person I'm falling for don't even know I'm there,and to make matters worse,I may be disqualified from the tournament due to my weight being 1 fucking kg higher.So,life's been fucking great,thank you for asking.

Somehow there are just some things that shouldn't be done.Somehow,I learned not to expect too much from someone.I keep getting my hopes high,expecting things would be great and go the way I imagined it,but hey,like I said,shit happens,especially to me.So instead of going the right way,it went to the left. And I think back,for every time this happens,I would thing what I'm feeling is not worth all this,but yer,I keep falling over and over.Pushed around,shoved here,shoved there,and yet,nothing to be gain,and nothing to lose. The one thing I wan to gain is not even available,and I can't do anything about it becoz..I have no idea becoz of what...Haiz..

Back to back,all I get is shit.Why can't I just end all this?If there was that perfect suicide,I'll be the first person to do it..

Eddy Outs..

Unwell...

2008-05-31T21:55:00.000+08:00

A question I've asked myself for a long time now..Do I think too much? And it hits me that I do,if not,why am I thinking bout it.I guess thats why I turn out to be this way.Someone who uses sarcastic remarks just to make people laugh so that they won't know the real me.I guess its part of me that I don't know about.Being this way is just who I am.And when I think about something,I just don't know when to stop,when to talk,or even when to let it out.Maybe thats the reason I'm always so-called emoing,keeping quiet and like many people say not smilling.

Usually I don't even know what I'm thinking about.Whats in my mind,whats bothering me.And the more I think about stuff,the more things hits me.I guess maybe I'm mentally unstable.I will try to get the every simple solution and yet question myself again.Haiz..

It bothers me how my own thinking affects people around me.Maybe becoz of what I did,we started drifting apart.Making them not liking me for who I am.If its true,I guess I'm the one who's suppose to apologise,not just act like I don't give a damn.I've made a lot of mistake back then and I'm sorie.If its realli my fault,I just wish that someone show it to me instead of showing that I'm not welcomed.I know I rather be alone,rather keep things to myself,maybe even become a hermit,but they made me feel like I could be open to them,but knowing myself,I won't be open unless they start the conversation.

I'm juz babbling now...I guess I'm meant to be a loner...Haiz

Eddy Outs..

Another Nite At The Rooftop...

2008-05-29T03:25:00.000+08:00

Sometimes,I get the thinking that somehow I don't belong anywhere.Even in skewl, somehow the onli person thats there is Ayus.She's there for me every single time and yet I still feel alone,not wanted.But I realli thx her coz she''s been a good brother to me. And to me,she's more than just a brother,she's like a family to me. Someone I can turn to when I'm down,someone that will always cheer me up with her craziness. And for that I thank you ayus..

Trouble mind is just wasted on me. I want her to be here,I want her to find me special. I want her to be someone that I can turn to,and I want her just to be mine.But there's juz nothing I can do.Every time theres just something stoppin me.I can't speak my mind becoz. Jus becoz...Haiz..
She's in my heart even when I don't think of it.And I get hurt without her doing anything.Maybe thats wat hurts me the most,I'm just not noticed by her.Maybe I'm being stupid,being selfish,but I just want her so badly.I guess its just not meant to be.She's just someone I can never get.Maybe he was ryte,I should just forget it.And people wonder why I do stupid things.The answer is simple,I rather have physical hurt than emotional hurt.Thats just the way I am..

Eddy Outs..

A Day Ruined...

2008-05-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

Back to back,there's just someone or something that ruins my day. No,I'm being pissed or angry,I'm just saying what I've been keeping for a long time.

1st of all,once you plan something,DO IT!
2nd of all,if ur so-called "jiwe" is there,you all won't forger us inside your plan
3rd of all,not once,but twice you all did this

And honestly,I don't even think your "jiwe" is towards us. If there's realli "jiwe", there won't be secrets where onli the 4 of u knw. So yea,thats what I feel.And I have had enough.

Orites,'Nuf said...

I realli don't know whats wrong with me. Every single time this happens,and every single time i fall.And I try to pick myself up and when I'm standing up,brushing off the dirt,I fall yet again.And this time,there's nothing I can do about it. There are some things that I can't even explain.Why fall when I know there's no way,not a single chance for me to get that person. Life's a bitch,no matter what,there's just nothing that can turn ryte.

The hardest thing to do is to live...

Eddy Outs..

So much for what you all said...

2008-05-26T20:12:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i think,why bother with them when I already know the outcome? Why do I still continue doing what I do? And I realise,maybe becoz one of them juz attracts me. And the things we do for someone is just so dumb. Oh wells, no matter. None of them know me yet. Thats all I can say..

Eddy Outs..

Nothing to lose...

2008-05-23T17:05:00.000+08:00

There I go again,been thinking a lot about this,and somehow it just doesn't make sense. There are just somethings I can't explain,and there are just some things I can't say.I really wish I could say it out,just let things out in the open and just get things over and done with. Yet,my mind tells me not to and my heart trying hard to find every single possible solution out of this. To think that I could just take a step back and be an observer or maybe just forget everything about her,but each and every single day,my heart tries to reach out for her,calling out her name,just hoping that one day she will notice me.

Looking back,there were many things I hide from people. Sometimes I just wonder whether those who said they know me,really know me.Coz right now,I don't think I even know myself. If these people say they really know me,why don't they understand me. Knowing someone and understanding someone is 2 different thing. Right now I don't understand why I fell so hard and have these feelings. Surely,I had enough of relationship,the last one turned to be fucked up and due to that,I somehow lost all my confidence and even my self-esteem. Yea sure,I've move on,trying hard to forget every single thing possible. But no matter how hard it is,it just comes back.

Its seriously like a game. No matter how hard I fall,get hurt,beat it up on myself,I still repeat the things I did before. Yea sure these stuff may be the stepping stone to what will happen in the future,but what's the point? I'm just climbing up a stairs that doesn't end. And every single time I see the light or any type of ending,I fall. And as I fall,all the tears,the blood,the guts from my body just came out. Yet when I reached the floor,I start climbing up,going after something that I can't reach. Even if its ten years or decades,the person thats in my heart is not the person that I will get.

So I ask myself,why bother? Why care about all this? Why even try when I know it will eventually end? Is it because in my heart I want the challenge? Or maybe because in my heart,somewhere inside,hoping that the next person will be the one? My life is full of "maybe"s...

Eddy Outs...

As I Look Back...

2008-05-17T23:29:00.000+08:00

Heyz..
Ever got that someone out there who's always been there for you? Always ryte by your side? Always helping you like a guardian angel? Yet,at the same time,can go crazy with you? Can get so emo that you feel like you could have done something to make things better? The one person you know everything about and yet surprise u still?

I do...

You've always been there for me.Always making me feel better when I'm emoing.Always staying by my side,telling me funny yet logic stuff.Cheering me up although you do the most stupidest stuff ever like saying "tele kote kote".The one person that has been there always juz to make me feel entertain.And somehow we always think of the same things to say when some people talk.You would call me just to ask where I am so we could hang out or even juz go smoke together.We share the same emotions and do some stupid stuff and yet we would be happy after that coz of each other.We would even shit at the same time with cubicle side by side and still make jokes.Even when I do the most stupidest stuff like breaking a mirror,you were the one who bandaged it up,telling me to chill,telling me I deserve better.You have always been there for me Ayu,and I feel guilty for what happened.But I juz want you to know,you've been there for me every single day since I met you,and nothing would make me to destroy out friendship.Coz to me,you're more than a friend,you're like an elder brother,blood brother,family..

Eddy Outs..
Thank you for everything Ayu :D

Sometimes the mind juz wanders around...

2008-05-15T22:49:00.000+08:00

Heyz..
Ever wonder how life would be if things were done differently? Lets say like,you went to the left instead of turning right so that you could avoid the drain you're gonna fall into..Something like tat? yea?

Anyways,been thinking about it for quite some time now.What if I made different choices from what I did? What if I turn back time an undid all the mistake that I've done? Heck,even if I get to choose this so called power,I wouldn't.Yea,sure,people would say why not? You could be a better person,or maybe even get richer or whatever.True,there are many things I wish I didn't do and so many times I wish that I could undo it.But the thing is,the mistakes I did made me the person I am ryte now.All the mistakes and all the achievements.And I rather be the person I am ryte now and have the bestest friends rather than being someone who's different and have different people as friends.Yea,sure I may never knw if it turn out to be better,but heck,I still choose here and now rather than what could have been.

Hmm,Insyirah asked me a question which I ask to my frends. "If you could have 1 power,what would it be? Y?". This question can realli tell about someone's personality.In my case,I like to fly.Juz fly up there,get away from civilisation,get away from all the people below,get away from all the problems. Juz fly and hang around,letting time pass by,letting my mind relax.Juz get a bird's eye view of everything.Haiz..How pathetic life is sometimes...

Eddy Outs...

Its all your fault!!!!!!

2008-05-11T17:41:00.000+08:00

The one song stuck inside my head due to SOMEONE CALLED JOVI!!!! ARGGH!!!
But hey,its a nice song...Basket Jovi,gonna kill you on monday..

Cry-Rihanna

[verse one]
I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
'Cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got that whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

[bridge]
My mind is gone
I'm spinnin round
And deep inside
My tears I'll drown
I'm losin grip
What's happenin
I strayed from love
This is how I feel

[chorus]
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what, you'll never see me cry

[verse two]
Did it happen when we first kissed
'Cause it's hurtin me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know its no more
I should have never let you hold me baby
Maybe why I'm sad to see us part
I didn't give it to you on purpose
Can't figure out how you stole my heart

[bridge]
My mind is gone
I'm spinnin round
And deep inside
My tears I'll drown
I'm losin grip
What's happenin
I strayed from love
This is how I feel

[chorus]
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what, you'll never see me cry

[verse three]
How did I get here with you I'll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do
To stay away from lovin' you
I'm broken hearted I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

[chorus] [2x]
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what, you'll never see me cry

All my life

Eddy Outs...

Hw appearance can tell things...

2008-05-08T00:02:00.000+08:00

Heyz..
Ever wonder why some people just look at you weirdly..? In my case,its nt some,somehw its like most of the people I knw and even strangers in the MRT..Am I that ugly that people look..er,no wait,stare would be more appropriate..at me every single time? Its kinda creepy,though Im used to it by now..

To those who've been asking me whats wrong,well,here's the answer. Everything. Somehow since I lost her,everything juz seems different.No one to hug,no one to pamper and spoil,no one who would always be there juz to talk.I guess it was a big impact on me.But I knw 1 thing,things will be the same even if she's still here.Yea,sure there are people to talk to,people to chat with,people to hang around to make life seems fun,but theres that emptyness,hollow feeling,knowing that there won't be someone I could juz let out my feelings,someone that I could realli love.Maybe thats juz why I look tired,so glum,moody,depressed,watever u wanna call it..

Its not that I dun appreciate people asking me whats wrong..Its juz that I dunnoe hw to answer to that.Every single time,I try to act like there's nothing bothering me.Be happy,enjoy life with frends.But theres juz one thing that I realli miz..Someone who could juz hug me,someone that I feel so comfortable with that I dun care whats goin on in the world..Someone who could juz be there for me,even if the sun drops down to earth,and I won't care coz she's beside me.Holding me..Haiz..

I guess its juz not fated..Its juz not meant to be...
Till den,gdnyte
Eddy Outs..

I'll stay up all night,get drunk and fucking fight...

2008-05-05T00:45:00.000+08:00

Heyz..

Ever thought of trying to stop whatever you're doing and just sulk your way through the nite,hidden from everyone..No one in the room but you,lights off,curtains closed..Juz darkness surrounding..Sitting,staring blankly into no where..Juz sulking,nt wanting to share your feelings,not wanting to tell people,juz emotionless..
Haiz..

Sometimes when I tink of it..The onli ppl who knws who I realli am is my brother..Even so,he don't realli knw what I've been through,what I'm thinking,what I'm feeling..And I wonder,when people say they knw me,do they realli? There are so many things that I hide away..Not wanting people to know..Maybe thats wat makes me who I am..Juz another person with a troubled mind..Guess the lines ryte,behind every smile,theres sadness,fear,hate..

Am I going crazy by doing what I'm doing or is it juz me? Sometimes I dun even know myself..Whats the purpose of me being here anyway? Guess its juz nt time to know yet..

Till den,gdnytes
Eddy Outs..

I hate to be you when people find out what this song is about...

2008-05-03T00:10:00.001+08:00

And we both go down together
we'd stay there forever
just try to get up
and i'm sorry
this wasn't easy
when i asked you, believe me
and never let go

Well i'm thinking of the worst things
that i could say to you
but a promise doesn't mean a thing anymore
and this never will be right with me
and now you're trying to desperately
but i'm tongue tied and terrified of what i'll say

And then we both go down together
we may stay there forever
i'll just try to get up
and i'm sorry
this wasn't easy
when i asked you, believe me
you never let go
but i let go

I could only sing you sad songs
and you could sing along
and you could see the melody
that's been calling out your wrongs
and this never will be right with me
and now you're trying to desperately
but i'm tongue tied and terrified of what i'll say
but i never told you everything
i'm losing hope and fading dreams
and every single memory along the way

And then we both go down together
we may stay there forever
i'll just try to get up
and i'm sorry
this wasn't easy
when i asked you, believe me
you never let go
but i let go

And we both go down together
and stay there forever
just try to get up

And then we both go down together
we may stay there forever
i'll just try to get up
and i'm sorry
this wasn't easy
when i asked you, believe me
you never let go
but i let go

Dedicated to you...Haiz...

So Whats The Reason Now...

2008-04-29T21:19:00.000+08:00

Heyz..Since nothing to do other than chatting with Li Ling and Insyirah,I might as well blog for a while.So,woke up a bit late today knowing today was gonna be a really sucky day,which in the end turn out not so bad I guess..Early morning with msges to read..

"Don't do stupid stuff" she said..Ya ryte,and yes,I don't believe you even care..And Im happy with being that way,so enuf is enuf alrdy. There's no need to ruin my mood every other day.It doesn't matter what I do now coz It doesn't affect you in any way at all. One thing still bothers me is that why you even bother with me now anyway? Whats the point? Haven't I went through enough? Compared to my swollen and bleeding knuckle,its nothing to what you made me feel.Haiz..Plus,to make it worse,my PDA juz don't want to on. Haiz..

Ok,enuf is enuf.So yea,lost my mood for the morning,which was return by Ayu n Beng.You're best,guys! Den there was suffering of hunger coz have to wait for dumb2 jovi.Had lunch at SIM and we headed back to stage where we emo.Ayu coz of someone,Beng coz of gurl.And me thinking wtf I did to deserve this. So yea,den we wanted to head back home but Jovi wanted to go to Island Creamy or sumting like that.Initially didnt want to go,but Jovi insisted and said she treat me,so we went except Beng.Thx to Jovi,I feel happier with Ice Cream.Haha.So yea,it was fun thx to Ayu,for making me laugh,Beng for being retard,Jovi for being dumb and yet still treat me ice cream.

Eddy Outs..
Moodless still inside..

Back....Once again to rattle on about pathetic life..

2008-04-28T22:35:00.001+08:00

Hey there...
Been wondering lately,what went wrong in life that my relationships turn out to be fuck up..And I realize hw stupid I was..hahakz
So yea,I'm just turning 18 and I realize,why bother with having relationships when things would juz turn out bad,when u can just wait for that "someone",whoever she is,and get a serious relationship and settle down...This came to me when I found out my cousin is getting married this coming July..So that means bubbye to KL..Sadded,but hey,its not like everyday someone close gets married ryte so yea...

So,life moves on..Skewl been fun with Ayu,Beng,Jovi and Adilah. Nothing seems to bother me much except when she suddenly msg..Like wtf dude..Other than that,got that stalker..Which is dumb coz I told her I don't have feelings for her..Which resulted in me being the bad guy..Oh well,I don't care what ppl say..All I knw,I did the right thing by not leading her on..I knw hw it feels and let me tell you it sucks..

Family on the other hand is getting on my nerve.Especially my retard bro..Idiot keep getting on my nerve..Closing the bloody window when its so fucking hot..Using the phone till when my frends call he would tell them to call back..I'll be like who the fuck are u to do that..Sheesh,nw i juz feel like whacking him...

Frend wise,like I said before,Ayu,Beng,Jovi and Adilah have always been there..Plus wanna say thanks to Insyirah for always cheering me up and being there for me..Kinda miz her sia..Haha..Other than that,there's Liling who always chat with me when I'm damn bored..hahaha.Who else..hmm mat been busy or either he busy or we busy...So sianz..hahakz..Plus there's the guys,Hafiz,Amir,Amin,Abdullah,Zul and the rest of the HS year 2 soccer team..Haha

So yea,life still goes on..As usual..

Eddy Outs..
Moving on..

Its all over....

2008-04-10T18:01:00.000+08:00

Heyz...Eddy here..And juz gonna be me...No more relationshits...Juz plain ol me..So,most probably gonna be onli me updatin tiz blog,so yea...Haiz..Juz gonna change certain things...No more "us",no more "u n me"..Its juz me now..So forget everything..Forget every single thing that happened,forget about us..Gdbye..

Eddy Outs...
Forever...

Let It All Go...

2008-02-29T12:24:00.000+08:00

Heyz...Eddy here!! Well,since exams were over,I pretty much didn't update...Been kinda lazy actually..But well,since now nothing to do,might as well update right..

So yea..Been rotting at home during the day and hanging out at night..The best day or shall I say night was on Wednesday!! From just hanging out for a while with Ace turns to a tonning session with Black,Ayu,Tarmimie,Safie,Amir and Ariff!! Ahakz
It was super damn fun..Hang out and talk and juz laugh and make fun of each other..Even went to Woodland Garden and took cool pix..In the end we all went to my house ard 10+..Haha..Karaoke session and sleeping session took place..Hahaha...

So yea..That was the only fun part other than on the night me and tarmimie juz hang out at Mr Teh Tarik..Haha..We hang out till 4+ juz talked with Hafiz and his friends..So now,back to rotting at home with nothing to do other than play games and watch movie..Haiz..Quite depressing..Oh well,finally this blog is update,so Bucket cannot complain k!!

Eddy Outs..
Bored,Tired,Had a fun night..

Life's a bore...Especially when ur alone..

2008-02-11T22:39:00.000+08:00

Heyz..Eddy here...Haiz..Been a while since I update..And yea,forget bout the previous updates..
I dunnoe why..Somehow I have all the signs of schizophrenia and split personality..Haiz..Weird but true..Do i really? I dunnoe..So yea,if suddenly I snap i'm sorie in advance..
Ryte now I'm bored out of my life..There's nothing to do at home except rot and play games..Studying is out of the question k..Sick and tired of studying la..She's working and got dunnoe what other things goin on...Haiz..
I miz her..Juz can't wait for v-day..But quite depressing for me..There's juz something that bothers me..Dun wanna tell here...
Anyways,life been ok...Nothing much occured..Nothing much to talk about..
There's one thing though..Memories..

Yea..Memories..I dunnoe why..Thinking back,the memories of me and her juz came back..Since we were frends and how it lead to this..If onli I wasnt so stupid to not realise all the hints she showed..Maybe things would be different..No mistakes done,No harm,No mistrusts...Haiz..But all the sweet memories,I juz look back and smile..Yea,call me crazy..call me schizo..It doesn't matter..Everyone had their memories of their loved ones..I'm juz mentioning mine..:D
How I smiled everytime she msged me..Even now I still smile when she msg...Hehe..Ok,stop the mushy2 stuff..

Hmm..Thats it la..Nothing much happened..Juz bored and bored and still bored so yea..Life is a bore!!

Eddy Outs..
Schizo...

Wondering what went wrong in life...

2008-02-04T20:06:00.000+08:00

Heyz..Eddy here..Been a while since I updated..Somehow this blog juz doesn't make any sense anymore..SOME ppl are too busy to write in the blog but yet so free to skip classes and hang out with their frends..Guess waiting for that is like waiting for snow to fall in singapore..Yea,as u all can see or read,I'm not in a very good mood..Wanna know why? I actually dunnoe myself..

Its been 1 week and I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong here..Is it due to the fact that you lied to me,or is it something else? But I dun think I'm still angry bout the lying part..So what is it? Oh wait,is it about not spending time with me? Nah,I dun tink so..Coz I told you I won't bother if you're always busy..Hmm,so what the hell is wrong with me..let me think...Hmm,is it coz we rarely talk to each other about stuff? Oh no its not,coz its my fault for keeping quiet..And it's me who is changing..Yea,its always me..Always me doing something to make things worse..Always me who can't take jokes..Always me who ruin someone else's day..

Sumtymes I juz wish you could read my mind..Juz understand how I feel when you say things..I dun understand it..Yesterday,I juz sat and think to myself..Whats the purpose of me fetching you from work? To spend time with you,to talk to you,to meet you..And what happened,ouh yea,u wanna hear ur songs..U wanna play games...And u expect me to say wat? "I wanna talk to you so dun hear song"? I didnt knw my silence was so oblivious..I'm kinda hurt inside..you said 4 days was too long..But there were so many days that I spend time alone coz you were too busy with skewl and stuff..I know we talk it over but that doesn't mean I'm not hurt..That doesn't necessarily mean that I won't feel a thing...

I thought I would see something..Juz something that would say u wanna spend time with me at least before I go..But nothing..I look at you and nothing..You dun wanna talk about it and all u did was say how long it is..I knw its long and I can see you dun want me to go..But all I'm asking is a sign,juz something that show me hw you realli feel...Show hw true and honest you are to me..Haiz..Sometimes I juz get the thinking if we could make it...Other rimes I juz think of moving someplace else..Juz get my feet back on the ground...Haiz..Forget it,by the time you read this it won't matter anymore..Most probably by the time you read this we would be back to normal..Juz dun keep anything from me...Once you read this,tell me..

Eddy Outs..
Moodless....